U.S. — After spending hundreds of millions of dollars on political consultants to learn how to win men back, the Democratic Party unveiled its new strategy of having a gay guy grow a beard.
Babylon Bee
11 Racial Slurs Commonly Yelled At WNBA Games
After WNBA players reported racial slurs being yelled by fans, the league launched an investigation which turned up truly sickening results. Here are the eleven racial slurs that are often heard at WNBA games:
27-Hour Stalemate As Mormons Knock On Door Of Jehovah’s Witnesses
BOISE, ID — A still-ongoing 27-hour stalemate ensued after two Mormon missionaries knocked on the door of a family of Jehovah’s Witnesses.
WNBA Launches Racism Investigation Into Orange Metal Noose Found On Court
INDIANAPOLIS, IN — The WNBA has officially launched an investigation into a possible hate crime following a formal complaint by Chicago Sky player Angel Reese, who claimed that an orange metal noose was found on the court.
The Babylon Bee Would Like To Announce We Are Joining NPR In Suing The Government For Not Giving Us Millions Of Dollars
The Babylon Bee would like to announce that we have officially joined National Public Radio in suing the government for not giving us tens of millions of dollars.
Theology Update: Bible Scholars Now Believe The ‘P’ in ‘Psalms’ Not Supposed To Be Silent
CAMBRIDGE — A new theological discovery shook up modern Christianity this week, as Bible scholars revealed evidence that led them to believe that the "P" in "Psalms" was not supposed to be silent.
Success Of ‘Lilo & Stitch’ Teaches Disney Important Lesson To Just Keep Pumping Out Live-Action Remakes Forever
BURBANK, CA — Walt Disney Studios announced Monday that all lessons learned from the disastrous release of Disney’s Snow White have been affectively unlearned thanks to the box office success of Lilo & Stitch.
California Unveils Massive New Escape Room Called ‘California’
SACRAMENTO, CA — In an effort to simultaneously deal with the state’s residents attempting to stage a mass exodus and capitalize on the popularity of fun group party activities, California unveiled a massive new escape room called "California."
The Babylon Bee Has Acquired The Starbucks Employee Union List Of Demands
The fate of the world was left hanging in the balance when Starbucks employees went on strike, holding the company over the proverbial barrel with a long list of demands. The willingness of Starbucks management to give in could very well determine the survival of human civilization.
Trump Responds To Putin’s Charge Of Him Being Emotional With An All-Caps Tweet
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Tensions stemming from the ongoing negotiations between Russia and Ukraine to bring the years-long war to an end threatened to boil over once again, as President Donald Trump responded to Vladimir Putin’s charge of him being emotional with an all-caps social media post.