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Babylon Bee
Alaska Democrats Caught Busing In Thousands Of Dan Sullivans
ANCHORAGE, AK — In what some pundits are calling a cheap and dirty political trick, Alaska Democrats have been caught busing in thousands of Dan Sullivans from around the country right before the midterm elections in Alaska.
WNBA Reduces Finals Ticket Price To Whatever You Have In Your Pocket
NEW YORK — The WNBA announced today that tickets for this year’s Finals will be priced at whatever loose change customers currently have in their pockets.
Smoke Rises From Vatican Indicating Who Pope Voted For
VATICAN CITY — Blue smoke rose from the roof of the Sistine Chapel on Friday, signaling that Pope Leo XIV had voted for a third term for Illinois Governor JB Pritzker.
Wife Relieved To Learn Husband Lost Entire Paycheck On ‘Prediction Market’ Instead Of Sports Betting
SANDY, UT — Local woman Sheila Northam was reportedly relieved to discover that her husband lost his entire paycheck on the prediction market rather than on sports betting.
Jesus Tells Parable Of Foolish Servant Who Put His Talents In Crypto
JERUSALEM — The Lord Jesus spoke a powerful new parable warning the people not to be like the foolish servant who went and put his master’s money in cryptocurrency.
Amy Acton Stars In Powerful PSA Showing Dangers Of Alcohol
TOLEDO, OH — Ohio Democratic gubernatorial candidate Amy Acton has released a powerful public service announcement to show the dangers of binge drinking.
Beloved Headmaster For School Of Gifted Youngsters Dead At 86
WESTCHESTER, NY — Charles Xavier, the beloved headmaster of Xavier’s School For Gifted Youngsters, died this afternoon. He was 86 years old.
Voter Turnout In Minnesota Expected To Be Over 130%
ST. PAUL, MN — Voter turnout for the Minnesota midterms is expected to exceed 130%, sources said.
Mamdani Charges Man With Hate Crime For Cleaning Graffiti Off 9/11 Memorial
NEW YORK, NY — At the direction of Mayor Zoran Mamdani, authorities detained a janitor who removed red graffiti from New York’s 9/11 Memorial and have charged him with a hate crime.