VATICAN CITY — Seated inside a fortress with 40-foot walls and surrounded by Swiss guards, Pope Leo XIV cautioned the rest of the world’s population not to fear mass Islamic migration.
Babylon Bee
SCOTUS Rules Death Penalty Is OK For People Who Post ‘BREAKING’ And A Siren Emoji Before Every Tweet
U.S. — In a landmark decision sure to send shockwaves across the social media influencing sphere, the Supreme Court of the United States ruled that the death penalty is OK for people who post "BREAKING" and a red siren emoji before every tweet.
Older Woman Gets Botox So She Can Look Like An Older Woman Who Got Botox
REDWOOD CITY, CA — Older woman Laura Middleson reportedly went to her local wellness spa and had the clinician there inject her with Botox so she could look like an older woman who had been injected with Botox.
Trump Proposes Triumphal Double Golden Arch In Washington, D.C.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump unveiled plans on Thursday for the construction of a massive Triumphal Double Golden Arch in the nation’s capital.
‘It’s Not My Job To Be Funny,’ Says Comedian
LOS ANGELES, CA — A comedian who is paid millions of dollars annually to make people laugh appeared on a podcast to explain to the American people that it is not his job to be funny.
Atheist Missionary Wonders If You Have A Few Minutes To Talk About Nothing
PORTLAND, OR — Local residents were greeted Saturday morning by an atheist missionary who politely asked if they had a few moments to talk about nothing.
Mamdani Says City-Run Supermarket Will Be Ready In 3 Years But Recommends Getting In Line for Bread Now
NEW YORK, NY — Mayor Zohran Mamdani announced that the city was going to spend a whopping $30 million on his city-run supermarket, with the project expected to take three years to build.
Revealed: 10 Other Things That Satan Tempted Jesus With
Californians Move To Texas Episode 2 Is Out Now!
Fresh brisket is on the board!
The Somali Community Of Minnesota Would Like To Remind America That Today Is Tax Day
ST. PAUL, MN — Tax Day is here and Minnesota’s vibrant Somali community would like to remind everyone that the deadline to file is midnight.