U.S. — The National Football League expressed hope that this would finally be the season when a white player would make it to the end zone and see the "End Racism" message.
Babylon Bee
Unlucky: 6th Grader Flunks Geography After Trump Renames Everything In Middle Of Exam
MEDINA, OH — In a terribly unlucky break, local sixth-grader Mackenzie Warner completely flunked her geography test after President Trump renamed everything right in the middle of the exam.
Satan Wondering If He Went Too Far With Feminism
HELL — The Prince of Darkness admitted he may have made a big mistake, as Satan reportedly wondered if he had gone too far when he orchestrated the modern feminist movement.
10 Notable Historical Events Experts Now Believe Were Caused By Postpartum Depression
Before the trial of Lindsay Clancy, everyone thought postpartum depression was a myth. But now society as a whole understands that the sudden drop in hormones after a woman has a baby really can cause intense sadness, anxiety, and disastrous historical events.
Too Far? Trump Renames Hockey ‘Gay Ice Football’
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Concerns arose even within the White House that President Donald Trump may have taken his battle with Canada too far after he signed an executive order to rename hockey "Gay Ice Football."
Church Sends Out Missionary Team To Remote Tribe That Has Never Heard Switchfoot
SORATA — The good news was revealed to be advancing like never before, as a church in the U.S. announced over the weekend that it had sent out a team of missionaries to a remote tribe that had never heard Switchfoot.
Jury Still Trying To Decide If Strangling Your Kids Is Okay
Chicago Mayor Touts Increased Diversity Of City’s Shooting Victims
CHICAGO, IL — In the wake of a mass shooting that left one dead and 14 wounded, Mayor Brandon Johnson touted the city’s increased diversity of shooting victims.
CNN Banned In New Mexico After New State Law Criminalizes Fake News
ALBUQUERQUE, NM — CNN has officially been forced off the air in New Mexico after the state passed a new law criminalizing fake news.
Child’s Honest Observations Becoming Pretty Hurtful
CLARENDON, TX — The honest, unfiltered observations offered up by local six-year-old Stephen Rawls have become progressively more hurtful for his parents to hear, sources revealed.