AUSTIN, TX — Local couple Tyler and Madison Hansen expressed grave concerns this week that having a baby might significantly disrupt the many hours a day they currently spend sitting three inches apart on the sofa staring at their respective iPhones in total silence.
Babylon Bee
‘HI BARACK!’ Yells Biden As Car Passes House With A Lawn Jockey
WILMINGTON, DE — Secret Service agents reportedly looked at each other and shook their heads on Wednesday, as former President Joe Biden committed an unfortunate act of mistaken identity while his motorcade passed a house with a lawn jockey.
Trump Complains He’s Being Crucified For Comparing Himself To Jesus
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Just days removed from a controversy that arose after he shared an image on social media that drew allegations of blasphemy, President Donald Trump complained that he was being crucified for comparing himself to Jesus.
Trump Officially Renames Strait Of Hormuz The ‘Donald J. Trump Strait Of America’
WASHINGTON, D.C. — As part of ongoing ceasefire negotiations with Iran to bring the weeks-long conflict to a close, U.S. President Donald Trump announced that the Strait of Hormuz had been officially renamed as the "Donald J. Trump Straight of America."
Online Battle Erupts Between Holiest Man In The World And Pope Leo XIV
U.S — A battle between the holiest man in the world and Pope Leo XIV broke out online this week, with many claiming the Pope crossed a line when he criticized the most righteous man ever to walk on earth.
After Devastating Sexual Assault Allegations, Swalwell Now Leading Democratic Presidential Candidate
U.S. — After a fifth woman came forward yesterday to accuse former Representative Eric Swalwell of sexual assault, Swalwell has hurtled into the lead of Democratic presidential candidates.
With Swalwell Resigning, Just 534 Perverts Left In Congress
WASHINGTON, D.C. — With the sudden resignation of California Representative Eric Swalwell over sexual assault charges, analysts speculated that there were now just 534 perverts remaining in the United States Congress.
Popular Franchise Looks To Expand Fanbase By Changing What Made It Popular Franchise
HOLLYWOOD, CA — It’s a simple formula: take an already wildly popular franchise and then tweak it a bit to attract even more fans.
Top 10 Miracles Performed By President Trump
Lost amid the controversy swirling around the image he posted to social media depicting him as a religious figure are the truly miraculous signs that have been performed by President Donald Trump. Don’t believe it? They’re well-documented.
Tucker Claims Muslims Love Jesus So Much They Help His Followers Meet Him
U.S. — According to podcast host and self-professed theologian Tucker Carlson, Muslims aren’t anti-Christian. In fact, they love Jesus so much that they want to help His followers meet Him as soon as possible.