LEXINGTON, SC — Darline Graham, sister of the late Senator Lindsey Graham, who was appointed to finish her brother’s term after his sudden passing, was reportedly seen quietly googling "What do senators do?"
Babylon Bee
Arte Moreno Finally Arrested For Gross Negligence Of The Los Angeles Angels
ANAHEIM, CA — The Los Angeles area of Anaheim breathed a collective sigh of relief today after authorities finally arrested owner Arte Moreno for his gross negligence of the Los Angeles Angels baseball team.
El-Sayed Forces Democrats To Take Stance On Whether Terrorism Is Good
U.S. — Democrats descended into disarray this week as swirling controversies around Senate candidate Abdul El-Sayed forced the party to take a position on whether terrorism is good.
‘It’s Fine,’ Says Introvert Who Ordered Mashed Potatoes And Instead Received A Concrete Cinder Block
CHINO, CA — A local introvert was reportedly unable to correct a waiter at his favorite restaurant when, after ordering a side of mashed potatoes, he instead received a concrete cinder block.
Dating App Adds Feature Allowing Men To Filter Out Women Who Support Lindsay Clancy
U.S. — A popular dating app announced a new feature that would allow men to filter out women who support accused child murderer Lindsay Clancy.
Grim Reaper Spins ‘Wheel Of Death’ To See Which Person He Will Take Next
THE UNDERWORLD — The Grim Reaper was reportedly seen preparing to use his "Wheel of Death" to see which person to visit next.
Trump Says Grocery Bills Should Drop After He Renames A Few More Things ‘America’
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump assured the nation that the cost of groceries should drop just as soon as he renames a few more things "America."
‘I’m Worried The Kids Are Addicted To Social Media,’ Says Mom Who Posts On Facebook 137 Times A Day
LANSING, MI — Local mom Gina Muldoon, who sources confirmed posts to Facebook an average of 137 times each day, shared her concerns on a Facebook mom’s group that kids these days might be addicted to social media.
Here Are The 12 Toughest Trials That God Has Allowed American Christians To Face
The Book of James tells us to count it all joy when we face trials, but it’s not so easy when faced with the worst the world has to throw at you. Gird your loins, dear reader — here are the stories of the 12 American Christians who…
Check Out This Absolute FOOL Walking Around With His Loins Ungirded LOOOOOL
Get a load of this complete IDIOT who spent the ENTIRE WEEK walking around with his loins completely ungirded. Have you ever seen such a dope?! Come on, man.