Babylon Bee
‘Obsession’ Director Says He Got Idea For Horror Movie Having Once Met A Woman
HOLLYWOOD, CA — Director Curry Barker has a surprise hit on his hands with his indie horror movie Obsession, which has especially connected with Gen Z audiences. Barker said he got the idea for his frightening movie from a real-life source. "I once met a woman!" Barker exclaimed.
Graham Platner Reassures Voters That There Are Probably Only 14 Or 15 More Horrific Revelations To Come
SULLIVAN, ME — Following yet another scandal that engulfed his campaign for a U.S. Senate seat in Maine, Democrat Graham Platner reassured voters that there were probably only 14 or 15 more horrific revelations to come.
40-Year Old Man Now Spends Inordinate Amount Of Time Researching Electrolytes
SAN ANTONIO, TX — Sources confirmed that local 40-year-old Marcus Harper officially entered the developmental stage of adulthood characterized by an intense, borderline-religious obsession with researching electrolytes.
John Bolton Pleads Guilty, Sentenced To 5-Year Imprisonment At SeaWorld
SAN DIEGO, CA — According to breaking news reports, John Bolton agreed to plead guilty to one count of illegally retaining classified national security information in exchange for only serving five years confined to a walrus exhibit at Sea World.
10 Irrefutable Proofs Russia Is Better Than The U.S.
Sociological experts and podcasters agree: Living in Russia is far superior to living in the United States. From their pristine subways and plentiful grocery stores to the clearly secure and not-at-all-suspect way they hold elections, Russia is the place to be.
Intensive Bible Study Reveals Elijah And Elisha Are Two Different People
WILBURTON, OK — An intensive Bible study reportedly ended with the dramatic revelation that Elijah and Elisha are two different people.
Man Needing Break From Reality Turns On CNN
FRANKLIN, KY — Following a long day at work in the middle of what had been a stressful week of responsibilities and anxiety, one local man decided to take a much-needed break from reality by turning on CNN.
Ceasefire Rages Across Middle East
Brits Wish There Were Some Kind Of Ranged Weapon That Shoots High-Velocity Ammunition To Protect Them From Knife Attacks
LONDON — As deadly stabbings continued to run unchecked across the United Kingdom, British citizens wished there were some kind of ranged weapon that shoots high-velocity ammunition to protect them from knife attacks.