KANSAS CITY, MO — Kansas City Royals manager Matt Quatraro pinned the team’s loss on local fan Jim Greller, who failed to put on his lucky socks today.
Babylon Bee
Experts Rule Game Not A Sport If You Can Smoke An Entire Pack Of Cigs While Playing
U.S. — A group of sports science experts have ruled that a game cannot be classified as a sport if it is possible to smoke an entire pack of cigarettes while playing.
Catholics Find Common Ground With Protestants In Ignoring What The Pope Says Most Of The Time
WORLD — In a historic ecumenical breakthrough, devout Roman Catholics finally found common ground with Protestants in ignoring what the pope says most of the time.
Kamala Harris ‘Thinking About’ Losing Again In 2028
LOS ANGELES, CA — Former Vice President Kamala Harris revealed on Friday that she is seriously thinking about losing again in 2028.
Speakeasy Heavily Advertised
CHARLOTTE, NC — Advertisements popped up all across the city this week for a local speakeasy, The Hush Room, modeled as a completely discreet and hidden Prohibition-era bar that no one knows about.
Lucky Hockey Fan Catches Foul Tooth
ANAHEIM, CA — During Thursday night’s hockey game between the San Jose Sharks and Anaheim Ducks, one lucky fan reportedly created a lifelong memory when he caught a foul tooth.
In Dire Need Of Toilet, Artemis Lands At Buc-ee’s
LAKE JACKSON, TX — After nearly nine days without a fully functioning toilet, the crew of NASA’s Artemis II mission changed course from splashing down off the coast of California and instead headed straight for a Buc-ee’s.
Trump Assures Nation Troops Will Only Stay Deployed Until Middle East Peaceful
WASHINGTON, D.C. — With the nation concerned about becoming involved in another never-ending conflict, President Trump assured Americans that U.S. troops would only remain deployed until the Middle East was at peace.
San Francisco Unveils New City Connect Jersey
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — The San Francisco Giants unveiled their new City Connect jerseys today with a nod to the feces makes the city so unique.
Here’s What Each Of The 73 Letters In Canada’s New LGBT Acronym Stands For
If you haven’t heard, Canada has officially dropped a new acronym for the LGBT movement with many, many new additions. The LGBT community in Canada is now: