Get a load of this complete IDIOT who spent the ENTIRE WEEK walking around with his loins completely ungirded. Have you ever seen such a dope?! Come on, man.
Babylon Bee
Democrats Distance Themselves From Hasan Piker After Realizing He’s Wearing A Suicide Vest
U.S. — Democratic politicians began distancing themselves from podcaster and campaign surrogate Hasan Piker after realizing that Piker was wearing a suicide vest.
El-Sayed: Beheading Infidel With A Machete No Different Than A Haircut
LANSING, MI — During a live interview on Fox News, Democratic Senate candidate Abdul El-Sayed forcefully defended the beheading of infidels, explaining it was really the same thing as a haircut.
Hasan Piker Says Anyone Trying To Twist His Words As Antisemitic Is A Dirty Lying Jew
WEST HOLLYWOOD, CA — One of the nation’s loudest progressive voices issued a strong defense on his own behalf this week, as commentator Hasan Piker said anyone who tries to twist his words as being "antisemitic" is a dirty, lying Jew.
Texas High School Proposes Adding Academics To Its Football Program
TOMBALL, TX — Signaling a dramatic shift in focus from its longstanding tradition, a local high school proposed adding academics to its football program.
Residents Of Heaven Torn Between Attending Chuck Norris’s Martial Arts Seminar And Going To Dolly Parton Show
HEAVEN — Heaven’s residents admitted conflict between having to chose between spending the afternoon at Chuck Norris’s martial arts demonstration or heading over to listen to the new Dolly Parton Show.
Girl Scouts To Award Muslim Badge To Any Girl Who Gets Married Before Age 8
U.S. — The Girl Scouts of America, in cooperation with the Islamic Center of America in Dearborn, MI, unveiled a new Muslim badge girls could earn by getting married before the age of 8.
Bugs Bunny Declares For WNBA Draft
LOS ANGELES, CA — Officials for the Women’s National Basketball Association announced this week they have received a letter of intent from Bugs Bunny to enter the draft.
In Honor Of Dolly Parton, Man To Attempt To Work All The Way From 9 To 5
SPRINGFIELD, IL — As news of the passing of beloved music legend Dolly Parton reverberated across America, tributes began pouring in from all over the country, including a touching memorial from a local man who said he would honor her by attempting to work all the way from…
Confirmed: Reel Of All Your Life’s Bloopers To Be Played When You Arrive In Heaven
ETERNITY — According to heavenly sources, the newly deceased who enter into the Lord’s rest are shown a blooper reel that spans their entire lives for everyone to laugh at.