SACRAMENTO — California officials announced on Wednesday that they had finally finished counting the votes and Ronald Reagan had officially won the 1966 governor’s race.
Babylon Bee
’60 Minutes’ Begins Search For New Pompous Blowhard
NEW YORK, NY — After the firing of longtime contributor Scott Pelley due to ongoing conflicts with producers, the long-running CBS News program 60 Minutes began its search for a new pompous blowhard.
George Lucas Releases Edit Of The Bible Where Malchus Attacks Peter First
LOS ANGELES, CA — Filmmaker George Lucas was reportedly branching out into Bible sales with a bold new special edition of God’s Word, featuring a new edit where Malchus attacks Peter first.
Seeing That It’s 5PM, Talarico Paints on Some Stubble
AUSTIN, TX — Senate candidate James Talarico was busy campaigning today when he noticed that the time had reached 5 PM. That meant that it was time for his daily ritual: painting some stubble on his face.
‘Feminism Was A Mistake,’ Thinks Man Immediately After Starting To Change Baby’s Diaper
MACON, GA — Local dad Ryan Thompson realized that the entire feminist movement was a huge mistake when he was about 10 seconds in to changing his 5-month-old son’s diaper.
7 Ways To Celebrate Pride Month With Your Family This Year
Pride Month is once again upon us, leaving families everywhere looking for the best ways to celebrate the occasion this year.
Pride Parade Forces To Change Direction After Route Takes It Within 200 Yards Of School
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — A parade celebrating Pride Month was forced to suddenly change course after participants informed organizers that none of them were allowed within 200 yards of a local elementary school.
Social Media Influencer Gives Birth To New Revenue Stream
TAMPA, FL — Social media influencer Lena Baker announced on her Instagram page this week that she had given birth to her third revenue stream, a beautiful little girl named Brinley.
Jill Biden Assures Nation Joe’s Old Age Did Not Hamper Her Ability To Serve As President
U.S. — While making media appearances to promote her new book, Jill Biden assured the nation that her husband’s old age did not in any way hamper her ability to serve as president.
Californians Give Us Their Top 9 Reasons For Still Voting Democrat
It’s Primary Election Day in California, and, as expected, a ton of people are still voting Democrat. The Babylon Bee hit the streets to find out why.