NORTH PLATTE, NE — One local man admitted that everything in his life was going so well lately that he was forced to go find stuff on the internet that he could get angry about.
Babylon Bee
Israel Levels Sesame Street With Targeted Airstrikes
SESAME STREET — Humans and Muppets were seen fleeing in terror with chaos descending from the skies, as Israel leveled Sesame Street with a series of precisely targeted airstrikes.
Weird But True: Jesus Died For Man Currently Eating Burrito In 2003 Honda Civic
WORLD — Recent reports indicated that Jesus died for sinners all over the planet, including this gentleman who was currently demolishing a Taco Bell Grilled Stuft Burrito, alone in the driver’s seat of his 2003 Honda Civic.
Winning: Trump Announces Mexican Coke Will Now Be Made In America
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In yet another sign of the New Golden Age being ushered in under his administration, President Donald Trump announced that Mexican Coke would now be made in America.
Bible Scholars Now Believe The Seventh Seal In The Book Of Revelation Is The Full Release Of The Epstein List
LONDON — In the wake of recent geopolitical developments, a team of esteemed biblical scholars said they now believe that the seventh seal in the book of Revelation was likely to be the release of the Epstein list.
9 Killer Gifts Your Husband Secretly Wants But Isn’t Telling You
There are certain gifts out there that every man wants, but won’t tell their wives about. Ladies, we’re about to pull back the curtain. Here are nine absolutely killer gifts your husband deeply desires, but will never mention:
Integrity: This Man Says Stupid Things On The Internet And No One Is Paying Him To Do It
BATAVIA, IL — According to sources, local man Carson Fitzgerald is showing the world what true integrity looks like by saying unbelievably stupid things on the internet even though no one is paying him to do so.
Satan Announces Hell’s Game Of The Day Once Again ‘The Floor Is Lava’
SEVENTH CIRCLE, HELL — Satan announced over Hell’s public address system this morning that game of the day would once again be "The Floor Is Lava."
Joe Biden States He Absolutely Would Have Approved All The Presidential Pardons If He Had Known About Them
GREENVILLE, DE — In a rare public appearance after leaving office in January, former President Joe Biden stated that he absolutely would have approved all of his presidential pardons if he had known about them.
Man Who Vowed To Release Epstein Files Berates Idiots For Believing There Are Epstein Files
WASHINGTON, D.C. — After vowing during his campaign to release the Epstein files, President Trump berated supporters as "stupid" and "foolish" for thinking there are Epstein files.