CAMBRIDGE, MA — ChatGPT has been officially crowned as the valedictorian of Harvard University.
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Experts Confirm You Are The Only Person On Earth Who Can Safely Text And Drive
BOSTON,MA — A recent meta-analysis by researchers at the National Traffic Safety Institute revealed that no one in the world is capable of safely texting and driving except for you.
Trump Demands To See Bruce Springsteen’s Birth Certificate To Prove He Was Born In The U.S.A.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In response to years of sharp criticism from the legendary music icon, President Donald Trump demanded to see Bruce Springsteen’s birth certificate to prove he was born in the U.S.A.
Trump’s 50% Tariff on European Union Decried as ‘Islamophobic’
WORLD — World leaders condemned today’s declaration by President Donald Trump imposing a 50% tariff on imports from the European Union, asserting that it was a blatant display of Islamaphobia.
Why Does Ed Sheeran Look Like That? We Present Our Best Theories
Ballad singer Ed Sheeran is known for his romantic and suggestive songs, but why does he look like that? This question has puzzled people for years.
Opinion: A.I. Could Put Artists, Actors, and Writers Out of Jobs, But It Could Do Bad Things As Well
If you’ve been keeping up with the news for the past few years, you’ve certainly come across concerns about the things that A.I. could do. For instance, it’s very possible that the powerful new A.I. language models could put artists, actors, and writers out of a job. But…
Man Clarifies That ‘Free Palestine’ Means Palestinians Should Be Free To Kill The Jews
WASHINGTON, D.C. — A man arrested outside the Capital Jewish Museum in the downtown area reportedly sought to clarify that he was under the impression that the slogan "Free Palestine" really just means that Palestinians should be "free" to kill all the Jews.
Man Considers Himself A Hacker After Guessing His Own Gmail Password On 3rd Try
NEWPORT BEACH, CA — Local man Harold Dermott initially struggled to access his Gmail on Friday, but after correctly guessing his password on his third try, now considers himself a bona fide hacker.
Trump Insists Next Chinese Pandemic Must Be Made In America
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In yet another stage in the escalating trade conflict with China, President Donald Trump issued a statement insisting that the next Chinese pandemic be made in America.
Wife Confident Just One More Stanley Cup Will Fill God-Shaped Hole In Her Heart
FORT WORTH, TX — Local wife and mother Sienna Danner already has a collection of 70 Stanley tumblers, but expressed confidence that just one more might be exactly what she needed to fill the God-shaped hole in her heart.