UIJEONGBU — Corporal Maxwell Klinger has finally been discharged from the Army after the U.S. Supreme Court upheld the Trump administration’s ban on trans military members.
Babylon Bee
Tragedy: Local Man Has To Go To Work Even Though He Doesn’t Feel Like It
HUNTINGTON BEACH, CA — Friends and family rallied to provide much-needed comfort to their loved one today, as a local man found himself experiencing the tragedy of having to go to work even though he didn’t feel like it.
10 People Trump Is Sending To The Reopened Alcatraz
With the whole nation abuzz with President Trump’s proposal to reopen and expand Alcatraz, it’s worth asking who, exactly, would be vile and dangerous enough to be imprisoned there.
Democrats Offer Illegal Immigrants $1,001 To Stay In US
U.S. — In response to President Donald Trump‘s offer to give illegal immigrants $1000 in exchange for deporting themselves, Democrats are upping the ante with a lucrative deal of $1001 to stay in the United States.
Newly Discovered Mosaic Law Required Israelites To Separate Themselves From Android Users
SINAI — Scholars marveled at the revelation of what was described as a long-hidden passage of religious text, as a newly discovered portion of the Mosaic Law required Israelites to separate themselves from "unclean" Android users.
The Babylon Bee Has Been Given Access To Trump’s To-Do List For His Next 100 Days. Here’s What To Expect
It’s just too much winning to handle. Trump’s been so effective already, it’s made our heads spin.
Nation Takes Somber ‘May The 4th’ To Remember Deceased Star Wars Franchise
U.S. — Fans reportedly took time on "May the 4th" for silent reflection, somberly remembering the now deceased Star Wars franchise.
Temu Shutdown Devastates Americans Looking To Buy Throw Pillows That Look Like Chicken Legs
U.S. — The fallout from President Trump’s tariffs on Chinese goods continued to be felt in new ways, as the announcement from online marketplace Temu that it would halt shipments to the U.S. devastated millions of Americans looking to buy throw pillows that look like chicken legs.
Evangelicals Furious After Trump Shares Sacrilegious Photo Of Himself As Bibleman
U.S. — Evangelicals are furious after President Trump shared a sacrilegious picture of himself as the famous Christian-themed superhero Bibleman.
Man Carries Grocery Basket Like Dainty Village Girl Skipping Through Orchard Picking Apples
KINGSPORT, TN — According to sources, a local man was seen at the store carrying a grocery basket like a dainty village girl skipping through the orchard picking apples.