The Onion almost did this bit perfectly and I simply cannot stop laughing.
Not the Bee
Obamas clear the air on divorce rumors
In case anyone cares, Barack and Michelle are still a thing, despite rumors of their split. Michelle interviewed Barack on her podcast this week.
This Louisiana pastor says he was fired from the local library after not using someone’s preferred pronouns
Luke Ash is a pastor and was a library technician in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.
Wisconsin nurse cuts off patient’s frostbitten foot for taxidermy shop, only gets $443 fine
There are some messed up people in the world.
Charismatics are trying to get ChatGPT to translate their “speaking in tongues”
People continue to find new ways to use ChatGPT, but… a Holy Spirit shortcut? That’s what a new trend among charismatics seemed to be aiming at by using the AI model to interpret their "speaking in tongues."
I think CNN wants us to be sad about this family’s “move to self-deport.” Check out this segment 😂
I’m sorry, CNN, am I really supposed to feel some guilt here for voting for Trump?
Nintendo just revealed the actors for the “Legend of Zelda” film and they’re not even transgender 👀
After a terrifying rumor that Zelda would be played by transgender actor Hunter Schafer, it seems Nintendo has come to the rescue and murdered that rumor for good.
Homeland Security one-shotted the NYT over this headline. It might the most perfect burn from a government account of all time.
Not only is this a real headline from The New York Times, but this is a real post from Homeland Security:
Nightmare fuel: Janitor killed after being sucked into meat grinder at burrito factory
This has to be one of the worst ways to die.
The MLB paid tribute to Hank Aaron in the coolest way possible at the All-Star Game
On April 8, 1974, Hank Aaron hit his 715th career home run in Atlanta, passing up Babe Ruth as the all-time leader in the category.