So it was the first round of the NFL Draft in Green Bay last night and Packers great Clay Matthews got on the mic to open up the show. He claimed to have a message from the president, and this is what it read:
Not the Bee
Police say Mr. Mohamed here was planning to kill a bunch of people within the next day when he got caught shoplifting from a Minnesota gun shop
This was quite the fortunate turn of events in 24-year-old Mohamed Adan Mohamed’s suspected plan to carry out a mass shooting (I’ll let you figure out why a guy named Mohamed Adan Mohamed would want to shoot people).
So do we have a nation anymore or nah? Check out this activist judge (you may remember she sent a Christian grandma to jail last year)
If everyone on the planet can vote in America’s elections, there is no such thing as America anymore.
Ever seen a secret Chinese nuclear sub? Come see what Google Earth captured on satellite
Normally if you want to see Chinese military secrets, you’re given a pretty definitive answer:
This Illinois pastor made an Easter sermon about Jesus being undocumented … just like Kilmar Abrego Garcia
This is a Methodist pastor, so I’m really not surprised by his antics here. But dude really came in with an Easter sermon comparing Jesus to illegal immigrant and alleged MS-13 gang member, Kilmar Abrego Garcia.
The Trump Store really just dropped this new merch 🤣
I simply cannot tell whether this is trolling or actually serious, but you can now purchase this hat at the Trump Store.
The LA Kings had a bunch of Korean grannies play “The Star-Spangled Banner” on harmonica and I’m not sure how to feel about it
The Koreatown Senior & Community Center’s The Harmonica Class was "back by popular demand" to perform the national anthem for the Los Angeles Kings last night, but I think I need an explanation as to what "popular demand" means, cuz, take a listen:
The Guardian warns women about influencers who want to make them “thin, fertile, and Republican” 😂
THIN, FERTILE, AND REPUBLICAN. OH NO!
Illinois governor threatens to boycott El Salvador over Kilmar Abrego Garcia (seriously)
JB Pritzker is not a serious person.
“Woman of color” upset by Englishman waving English flag because it’s “outdated” and “not inclusive”
Ladies and gentlemen, may I present Clown World: The British Isles.
Indiana judge lets murder suspect walk because of “staffing crisis” at prosecutor’s office
I remember very well the staffing shortages of a few years ago when it seemed like every restaurant had only half its waitstaff and the Walmart would only have a couple registers open because they couldn’t hire anybody.
20-year-old woman beats up 11-year-old girl at Ohio playground
This is a wild story. A 20-year-old woman, who was apparently hanging out at a playground in Canton, Ohio, on Friday, was caught on tape beating up an 11-year-old child. What’s more, it seems the video was recorded by the mother of the 11-year-old child.
Swedish teenager arrested in Australia for allegedly organizing assassinations in Sweden and Denmark
Remember a while back when we covered Sweden’s child-assassin problem?
Report: Boston’s ultra-woke, anti-Trump mayor received some major funding from a member of the CCP
We’ve covered some of Boston’s mayor Michelle Wu‘s antics over the years:
Watch: Yale protesters throw liquids, yell “SHAME!” at Jewish students attending Israeli minister’s speech
The absolute state of Ivy League schools.
The NFL Draft starts tonight in Green Bay and Wisconsin’s limp-wrist governor recorded this random video for the occasion
I don’t even live in Wisconsin and this is embarrassing.
Come learn about “Dark Woke,” the Left’s most recent attempt at rebranding
I can’t wait to see how this works out for the Dems.
Have you seen the insane wildfire in New Jersey that has consumed more than 13,000 acres?
Even in the context of a busy news week, I’m amazed that this madness out of New Jersey hasn’t gotten more airtime:
Michelle Obama Says Black Women Don’t Complain About Their Pain
Did we trick you? Did you think this was The Babylon Bee?
Someone caught LeBron trying to fake an injury 💀
The Flop King is at it again, and this time he was caught in the act. Here’s LeBron James acting like a soccer player during the NBA Playoffs.
Justice Department levels RICO charges against Venezuelan gang members
BREAKING: The U.S. Justice Department is going after violent foreign gangsters instead of conservative American grandmas 🤯
Rosie O’Donnell claims she left America with her “non-binary” kid because of Project 2025
On a recent CNN appearance, Rosie O’Donnell (long time Trump Derangement Syndrome patient) claimed she fled to Dublin, Ireland, after reading Project 2025, citing its supposed horrors as the reason.
Watch this guy swing on a crane 700 feet above Downtown Austin 👀
You’ve got to have some real guts to pull off a stunt like this:
Poll: Voters 70 and older are the ONLY age group that rates Trump negatively, but BOY DO THEY DISLIKE HIM
Boomers are having a tough time beating the allegations.
Justice Neil Gorsuch eviscerates Maryland public school that shows Pride-themed books to pre-K students against their will
You might not have heard about this case which has made its way all the way to the Supreme Court. It concerns a Maryland public school district using LGBTQ-themed books and a group of parents who have not been allowed to opt out of the indoctrination citing religious…
Hawaii teenager spends one night in jail after kidnapping, killing pet pig to win hunting contest
I’ll admit to being a bit competitive at times.
China sentences nine Christians to years in jail, fines them over $150,000 for handing out Bibles. Details here.
Your daily reminder about the dystopia that is China:
Check out these Amish workers that have been in Chimney Rock, North Carolina, for SIX MONTHS to repair the town 😤
Hey, if you can’t get FEMA to do its job, just do it yourself. Or, better yet, let the Amish do it.
Watch: New York woman and her two grandchildren narrowly avoid manhole explosion
A grandmother and her two grandchildren were walking home from an egg hunt on Sunday in Poughkeepsie, New York, when this happened:
Democrat Dick Durbin will not seek reelection in 2026, freeing up a seat in the Senate
This could be big news, though the fact that Illinois, one of the bluest and most corrupt states in the nation, will be voting in the election to fill Durbin’s seat isn’t really pumping my veins with optimism.