SALT LAKE CITY, UT — Local man Tony Flanders noted that, by the looks of it, his next-door neighbor was either very, very wealthy or in massive amounts of debt.
Babylon Bee
France Questions How Rescue Mission Considered A Success When No One Surrendered To The Nazis
PARIS — On Monday, French officials questioned how the United States could classify the airman rescue mission a success when no one surrendered to the Nazis.
Baseball Traditionalists Long For Good Ol’ Days Of Games Being Decided By Horrifically Bad Calls
U.S. — The installation of the Automated Ball-Strike System in Major League Baseball has left traditionalists longing for the days when games were decided by absurdly awful calls.
‘Look Out!’ Shouts Female Astronaut As Orion Gets Within 5,000 Miles Of Moon
SPACE — Astronaut Christina Koch reportedly played a pivotal role in the success of NASA’s Artemis II lunar mission on Monday when she helpfully screamed in the pilot’s ear as they were just 5,000 miles shy of colliding with the lunar surface.
Downed F-15 Pilot Asks Rescuers If They Can Go Back For His AirPods Real Quick
KOHGILUYEH — A thankful F-15 weapons systems officer reportedly asked his rescuers if he could go back to the crash site to get his AirPods real quick.
It’s Getting Serious: Trump Triple Dog Dares Iran To Keep Strait Of Hormuz Closed
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump’s threats to the Iranian regime escalated drastically over the holiday weekend, with the President issuing a rare "triple dog dare" for Iran to keep the Strait of Hormuz closed.
Critics Blast ‘The Super Mario Galaxy Movie’ For Its Flimsy Plotting And Not Making Yoshi Bisexual
HOLLYWOOD, CA — Though The Super Mario Galaxy Movie may be doing well at the box office, critics blasted the film for its flimsy plotting and not making Yoshi bisexual.
Not Fake News: He Is Risen
He is risen indeed!
NASA Starting To Think Stocking Shuttle With Chipotle Might Have Been A Mistake
HOUSTON, TX — With the toilet about Artemis II breaking for the second time, NASA began to wonder if stocking the shuttle with Chipotle may have been a mistake.
Man Getting Really Excited About Mario Movie After Seeing Critics Hated It
EUGENE, OR — Local man Bennett Stenson has become increasingly excited for the new Mario movie after hearing that film critics hated it.