U.S. — Welcome news greeted stressed-out Americans today, as results of a new survey indicated that 10 out of 10 therapists recommended rolling your truck window down to let your arm get a little sun.
Babylon Bee
Hamas Announces They Will Accept Ceasefire On Condition They Can Keep Killing Jews
WORLD — Hamas leadership announced Monday that they would accept a ceasefire agreement with Israel on the condition that they can keep killing Jews.
Republicans Unveil New Plan To Fix National Debt Sometime After The Return Of Christ
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Republican lawmakers unveiled a bold new plan for the federal budget: to forgo paying down the national debt in favor of waiting for the second coming of Christ and the world to be ended in fire.
10 Really Gay Things You Can Do To Celebrate Pride Month
It’s that time of year again, when the rainbows are flying everywhere you look, and super gay things are happening in more places than just Dodgers games. But what can you do to show your support?
Trump Brings In Chick-Fil-A Manager To Negotiate Peace Between Russia, Ukraine
ISTANBUL — President Trump redoubled his efforts to end the Russo-Ukrainian War by bringing in a Chick-fil-A manager to handle negotiations.
Man Arrested For Casting Shadow On Pride Crosswalk
CHICAGO, IL — In an incident that brought swift condemnation from Democrats across the country, a local man was immediately arrested and charged with a hate crime for casting a shadow on a Pride crosswalk.
Fashion Faux Pas As Two Texans Both Attend Wedding Wearing The Same Gun
FORT WORTH, TX — In a regrettable fashion faux pas, two Texans came to a wedding wearing the same gun.
Colorado Rules Jews Must Bake Cake For Terrorist Who Lit Them On Fire
BOULDER, CO — The controversy surrounding a horrific attack over the weekend continued today, as a Colorado court ruled that Jewish victims must bake a cake for the terrorist who lit them on fire.
Cory Booker Announces Plan To Occupy The Rhineland
SACRAMENTO, CA — In a surprise speech, Senator Cory Booker shared his vision of sending troops to reoccupy the Rhineland, the first step in returning the Third Reich to its former glory.
Trump Signs Executive Order To Skip Pride Month, Today Now Officially July 1
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump signed an executive order this morning to skip Pride Month, thereby officially making today July first.