SANTA CLARITA, CA — Christian parents living in the valley have finally decided that a portable porn-streaming device is the perfect gift for their 13-year old son.
Babylon Bee
Congress Invites Ghislaine Maxwell To Come Testify Under Dangling Grand Piano
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The world waited anxiously to finally learn more about one of the most widely talked-about conspiracies in recent history, as the U.S. Congress invited Ghislaine Maxwell to come testify under a dangling grand piano.
CNN: White Man In Bronco Leading Police On High-Speed Chase
LOS ANGELES — CNN has reported that a white man driving a Ford Bronco is leading police on a chase all around Los Angeles.
Can You Spot All The Nazi Dog Whistles In This Sydney Sweeney Ad?
We now know American Eagle’s new ad with Sydney Sweeney is fascist propaganda, but you won’t believe how many Nazi dog whistles there are. See how many you can spot in this one picture:
9 Early Frontrunners For The 2028 Democratic Primary
Sure, the calendar may still read "2025," but the 2028 presidential primary season will be here before you know it. While big names like Gavin Newsom, Kamala Harris, and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez grab all the headlines, there are other Democratic candidates making waves behind the scenes.
Universal Studios Hollywood Unveils Long-Awaited ‘Scent Of A Woman’ Land
UNIVERSAL CITY, CA — Universal Studios Hollywood officially broke ground Tuesday on a new themed land at its popular theme park based on hit 1992 film Scent of a Woman.
Federal Judge Orders Sydney Sweeney To Gain 100 Pounds And Get One Of Those Butch Haircuts
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Clothing retailer American Eagle’s new advertising campaign hit an unexpected obstacle today, as a federal judge ordered actress and new brand spokeswoman Sydney Sweeney to gain 100 pounds and get an ugly butch haircut.
Man With Strong Urge To Eat Wicker Basket Settles For Triscuit Instead
GRAND RAPIDS, MI — After experiencing a strong urge to eat a wicker basket, a man has decided to settle for the similarly rough texture and bland flavor of Triscuit snack crackers instead.
Cincinnati Police Chief Asks Citizens Not To Film Crimes Next Time As It Makes Her Look Bad
CINCINNATI, OH — Friday’s violent mob-style attack took social media by storm over the weekend, forcing Chief of Police Teresa Theetge to call a press conference in which she asked citizens not to film violent crimes because it makes her look bad.
American Eagle Apologizes, Replaces Sydney Sweeney With Fat Transgender Double-Amputee Of Color
PITTSBURGH, PA — Social justice warriors scored another victory today, as retail chain American Eagle issued a public apology and replaced Sydney Sweeney in its ad campaign with a fat, transgender double amputee of color.