WASHINGTON, D.C. — Congressional Republicans were publicly congratulating themselves this week, celebrating $9 billion in spending cuts shortly after passing a bill that will add $3 trillion to the national debt.
Babylon Bee
David And Bathsheba Caught On Kiss Cam At Concert
JERUSALEM — According to palace sources, an egregious sin committed by King David and Bathsheba was exposed to the public after they were caught on a kiss cam at Levite concert.
Winning: DOJ Announces They Have Arrested Man Responsible For Creating Microsoft OneDrive
U.S. — In an afternoon press conference, U.S. Attorney General Pam Bondi proudly announced that the man responsible for Microsoft OneDrive had been arrested, ending an almost 20-year-long reign of terror that affected millions.
WSJ Reveals Trump Once Wrote ‘BOOBS’ On A Calculator And Showed It To Epstein
U.S. — In a shocking exposé that threatened to topple the presidential administration, the Wall Street Journal revealed that Donald Trump once wrote "BOOBS" on a calculator and showed it to Jeffrey Epstein.
State-Run Propaganda Program Shut Down
NEW YORK, NY — Along with NPR and PBS, a state-run propaganda program hosted by Stephen Colbert announced it would be shutting down due to a loss of funding.
9 Movies That Should Be Part Of The Biblical Canon
As great as the Bible is, it’s severely lacking in movies. Adding in some of the greatest films ever made could bring some much-needed excitement to the collection of holy scripture.
Terrifying Study Reveals There Are Still People Getting Vaccinated For COVID
U.S. — A terrifying study has confirmed what some already feared: there are people still getting vaccinated for COVID.
UK Muslims Demand Voting Age Be Lowered To 13 So Their Wives Can Vote
LONDON — In a protest to make the nation’s democratic process more inclusive, Muslims in the United Kingdom marched to demand that the voting age be lowered to 13 so their wives would be able to vote.
Man’s Life Going So Well He Has To Find Stuff On The Internet To Get Angry About
NORTH PLATTE, NE — One local man admitted that everything in his life was going so well lately that he was forced to go find stuff on the internet that he could get angry about.
Israel Levels Sesame Street With Targeted Airstrikes
SESAME STREET — Humans and Muppets were seen fleeing in terror with chaos descending from the skies, as Israel leveled Sesame Street with a series of precisely targeted airstrikes.