Last night, the King of Late Night, Greg Gutfeld, graced the formerly-great Tonight Show with his presence. He told of the first time he met Jimmy Fallon, made some jokes about his own mother, and told of the greatest gameshow idea ever.
Not the Bee
Trump just “secretly” ordered the military to target Latin American drug cartels 👀
It’s getting spicy in here!
Illinois becomes first state to require mental health screenings at public schools
This seems like a nice thing for the government to do…
Gina Carano has “come to an agreement” in her lawsuit against Disney
It turns out that Mickey Mouse was no match for an experienced MMA fighter, as actress Gina Carano announced on Thursday that she and Disney had "reached an agreement" to end her discrimination lawsuit against the media giant that resulted from her 2021 firing from The Mandalorian.
The White House just posted this video of libs melting down, but the reason was actually pretty wholesome 🇺🇸
We do a little trolling 👇
National Guard rolling into DC to restore order following Big Balls incident
Sorry, but I had to have some fun with that headline 😂
People are flocking to DC to get a whiff of the unspeakably foul-smelling “corpse flower”
I don’t know about you, but generally when I catch a whiff of something gross, I tend to try and avoid smelling it further.
BREAKING: Obama-appointed judge orders “construction pause” at Alligator Alcatraz
Well, it’s a day that ends in "Y" so you knew we had to tell you about a liberal judge making a ludicrous ruling to keep illegals in the country.
Redditors Argue If Bagel Shop Is Fascist For Serving Vice President Toasted Bread Last Month
Nope, we are not a satire outlet.
What’s with this new virus in China? We’ve got the deets.
Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: A virus begins circulating in China, sickening thousands and thousands of people, leading authorities to spray down the streets in an effort to control the infection rate.
Report: Former staffers say Jasmine Crockett is “mean,” “never in the office,” and “all diva”
Who would’ve thought?
Media says JD Vance asked Army to raise the water level of Ohio river to improve kayaking conditions (here’s what actually happened)
Today, the media is going with the "Republican is Persian Tyrant Xerxes" instead of "Republican is Hitler"!
In a move no one asked for, Heinz and Smoothie King team up to make ketchup smoothies
You know how when you’re hot and need something refreshing and cold to drink, so you guzzle the nearest ketchup bottle?
Team chaplain leads Christian revival at Arizona State ✊
This is pretty cool. Team Chaplain Steve Watson is leading a spiritual revival at Arizona State, leading Bible study and pregame chapel for both the baseball and football teams.
Tennessee mobilizes National Guard to help ICE; other states gear up to follow suit
You guys, I think the mass deportations might be starting soon, cuz look at this:
Survey: 77% of Zoomers have brought parent to job interview, 45% have parents call bosses regularly
Guys, I am once again restating my concern for Generation Z.
Market For Adult Pacifiers Growing Around Globe
Shoot me in the face directly with a Howitzer.
NYC Opens Nation’s First-Ever Homeless Shelter For Trans And Gender Non-Conforming People
Are you a homeless New Yorker?
The word “clanker” has become a popular reference for robots and now NPR is calling it a robophobic slur
A recent NPR article details the rise of the word "clanker" as a robophobic slur that people are using when referring to robo-workers.
Woman attacked in viral Cincinnati brawl holds press conference as 6th suspect arrested
This is something you’d never, ever see happen a few years ago.
WATCH: Body-Positive Black Woman Learns Food Stamps No Longer Cover Reese’s
I can’t stop laughing at this.
This CBS host’s objection to “colonizing” the moon was so dumb that even Neil DeGrasse Tyson was flabbergasted
If the average person is just as stupid as Vladimir Duthiers, I’m beginning to understand why they think Neil DeGrasse Tyson is a genius.
Meet the new president of Canada’s Public Health Agency (this is real)
You’ve got to hand it to the Canadians — they sure know how to pick the very best, brightest, and most qualified.
Why isn’t the corporate news showing you a picture of the Army sergeant who was arrested for a shooting rampage?
Five soldiers were shot at Fort Stewart yesterday. A suspect was quickly in custody. His name and mugshot were released.
President Trump officially orders new census that does not count illegal aliens
I am happy to report that he has officially done it.
Libs are not happy that Apple announced MAJOR investment in American manufacturing (because of Trump)
Apple just announced the investment of $600 BILLION in the U.S. over the next four years.
He looks surprised: Adam Schiff under criminal investigation for mortgage fraud
What’s good for the goose is good for the bug-eyed gander, apparently, as Senator Adam Schiff is reportedly under federal investigation for allegations of mortgage fraud.
The MLB has its first-ever female umpire
I had a few female jokes lined up when I saw this headline …
Moroccan migrant faces deportation for lighting cigarette with flame from Paris’ Tomb of the Unknown Soldier
I’m starting to think these people have no respect for European history, culture, values, or its fallen heroes.
FDA issues the dumbest reason for recalling butter (again)
Last year, we poked fun of Biden’s FDA for the worst reason to recall butter ever.