Generation Z is hitting the work force, and these young whipper snappers have uncovered some of the most brilliant life hacks you can imagine. Here are eight of their most ingenious discoveries:
Babylon Bee
Chip & Joanna Gaines Introduce New Line Of Pride-Themed Shiplap
WACO, TX — Famed HGTV stars Chip and Joanna Gaines announced today that their "Magnolia" company would be introducing a line of rainbow shiplap.
Scientist At 7th Jurassic Park Asks If Maybe They Should Just Make Papier-Mâché Dinosaurs This Time
JURASSIC PARK — A scientist working on the seventh iteration of Jurassic Park asked his bosses today if perhaps they should consider making the dinosaurs out of papier-mâché this time.
Progress: A.I. Now Only Racist Against Italians
SUNNYVALE, CA — In a clear sign of progress, developers confirmed that A.I. was now only racist against Italians.
Malfunction As Animatronic Trump Keeps Rounding Up All The Mexican Guests And Deporting Them From Disney World
ORLANDO, FL — What began as a normal day at the Magic Kingdom descended into a near-riot atmosphere, as — due to a malfunction — The Hall of Presidents’ animatronic Donald Trump kept rounding up all of the Mexican guests and attempting to deport them from Disney World.
Dumbledore Starting To Wonder If Having A House Filled With Racist Murderers Named After Snakes Such A Good Idea
HOGWARTS — Headmaster Albus Dumbledore admitted he was beginning to question the sensibility of having an entire house of students named after an evil snake that’s dedicated to perpetuating racist ideas and destroying Hogwarts.
Life’s Struggles Causing Atheist To Lose His Faith In The Existence Of Nothing
BOSTON, MA — Local atheist and president of The Enlightened Rationalist Guild of Supreme Cognition (ERGSC) Steve Wimbly admitted to several close friends that recent struggles had shaken his faith in the existence of nothing.
MTG Press Conference On Cloud Seeding Interrupted By Tornado
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Chaos ensued outside the U.S. Capitol yesterday, as Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene’s press conference on cloud seeding was suddenly interrupted by a massive tornado.
Gavin Newsom Declares California A Sanctuary State For Child Slavery
SACRAMENTO, CA — In the latest front on his war against the Trump administration’s immigration policies, Governor Gavin Newsom officially declared California a sanctuary state for child slavery.
Pam Bondi Confirms Greedo Shot First
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following an extensive investigation, U.S. Attorney General Pam Bondi held a press conference to announce that the Department of Justice had officially confirmed that Greedo shot first.