U.S. — According to reports, the Trump administration was revoking thousands of Chinese student visas, leaving American students in danger of having no one to cheat off of.
Babylon Bee
Joe Biden: In Memoriam [Do Not Post Until Biden Dies]
The Babylon Bee was saddened to learn of the passing of former President Joe Biden. [Note: Make sure this does not get published until it is 100% confirmed that he died.]
With Ban On International Students, Harvard Forced To Begin Accepting Students From Ohio
CAMBRIDGE, MA — With the Trump administration banning Harvard University from taking international students, the school was forced to begin accepting students from Ohio.
Housewarming Party Kicks Off With Land Acknowledgement For The Johnsons Who Lived There Since 2019
WARWICK, RI — A housewarming party for the Banning family reportedly started with a powerful land acknowledgment statement honoring the Johnson family who had previously lived in the home since 2019.
Dems Unveil Plan To Win Back Men By Having Gay Guy Grow A Beard
U.S. — After spending hundreds of millions of dollars on political consultants to learn how to win men back, the Democratic Party unveiled its new strategy of having a gay guy grow a beard.
11 Racial Slurs Commonly Yelled At WNBA Games
After WNBA players reported racial slurs being yelled by fans, the league launched an investigation which turned up truly sickening results. Here are the eleven racial slurs that are often heard at WNBA games:
27-Hour Stalemate As Mormons Knock On Door Of Jehovah’s Witnesses
BOISE, ID — A still-ongoing 27-hour stalemate ensued after two Mormon missionaries knocked on the door of a family of Jehovah’s Witnesses.
WNBA Launches Racism Investigation Into Orange Metal Noose Found On Court
INDIANAPOLIS, IN — The WNBA has officially launched an investigation into a possible hate crime following a formal complaint by Chicago Sky player Angel Reese, who claimed that an orange metal noose was found on the court.
The Babylon Bee Would Like To Announce We Are Joining NPR In Suing The Government For Not Giving Us Millions Of Dollars
The Babylon Bee would like to announce that we have officially joined National Public Radio in suing the government for not giving us tens of millions of dollars.
Theology Update: Bible Scholars Now Believe The ‘P’ in ‘Psalms’ Not Supposed To Be Silent
CAMBRIDGE — A new theological discovery shook up modern Christianity this week, as Bible scholars revealed evidence that led them to believe that the "P" in "Psalms" was not supposed to be silent.