HUNTSVILLE, AL — Local man Brad Sharp had his faith in God shaken to its core after his prayer for a real, functioning lightsaber went unanswered.
Babylon Bee
TSA Announces Passengers No Longer Have To Remove Their Shoes Before Being Fondled
SPRINGFIELD, VA — The Transport Security Agency has officially announced that passengers will no longer have to remove their shoes before being publicly fondled.
7 Totally Plausible Explanations For What Happened To The Epstein List On Pam Bondi’s Desk
Attorney General Pam Bondi is in hot water today after the Epstein list that was "on her desk" a few months ago somehow went missing. Before you start attacking Bondi though, consider these seven totally reasonable explanations for what might have happened:
‘There Is No Epstein Client List,’ Say Epstein’s Clients
WORLD — Concerned citizens of nations around the world breathed a collective sigh of relief this week, as the individuals who comprised Jeffrey Epstein’s client list assured everyone that there was no Epstein client list.
Pastor Gently Informs Worship Leader That The ‘Thunderstruck’ Riff Is Not An Appropriate Intro For ‘Great Is Thy Faithfulness’
COLUMBUS, OH — Pastor Weyland Benjamins of Mt. Olivet Baptist Church was forced to gently reprimand the church’s worship leader yesterday by informing him that the "Thunderstruck" riff is not an appropriate intro to "Great Is Thy Faithfulness."
Bondi Explains She Was Going To Release The Epstein Files But Then Some Pedophiles Asked Her Not To
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Attorney General Pam Bondi explained today that she was really going to release all of the Epstein files, but some pedophiles asked her to please not.
James Gunn Releases Film About The Importance Of Accepting Morally Upstanding, White Immigrants Who Speak Perfect English
LOS ANGELES, CA — In an unexpected twist for the Hollywood movie industry, director James Gunn proudly released a film about the importance of accepting morally upstanding white immigrants who speak perfect English.
Man Wants However Many Deportations Are Needed For Him To No Longer Have To Press 1 For English
MILWAUKEE, WI — Sources close to local man Jackson Trent say he just wants however many deportations are needed for him to no longer have to push 1 for English.
Serial Killer Out Of Job As Local Planned Parenthood Closes
MINNEAPOLIS, MN — The effects of the Trump administration’s sweeping reforms in government funding have trickled down to different industries, as a serial killer found himself out of a job after a local Planned Parenthood was forced to close its doors.
Furious Newsom Says He Won’t Stand Silently By While Trump Fixes California
SACRAMENTO, CA — As the federal government takes steps to attempt to solve a myriad of problems facing the Golden State, a furious Governor Gavin Newsom told reporters he won’t stand silently by while Trump fixes California.