U.S. — In light of the NBA’s recent gambling scandal, WNBA players assured federal agents that they don’t miss easy layups to throw games, they just suck at basketball.
Babylon Bee
Serial Killer Unwinds After A Long Day By Listening To His Favorite Podcast About Housewives
DAYTONA BEACH, FL — Local serial killer Lester Carlisle told his friends that there’s nothing he enjoys more than unwinding after a long day by taking a hot bubble bath with a nice drink and his favorite podcast about the lives of housewives.
Trump Makes 73rd Trip To Home Depot Since Start Of White House Renovation
WASHINGTON, D.C. — As demo and construction continued on the highly publicized construction project to build a new White House ballroom, a new report said President Donald Trump had already made his 73rd trip to Home Depot since the start of the renovation.
NBA Announces Today’s Gambling Arrests Brought To You By DraftKings
NEW YORK, NY — Thursday’s arrests of Portland Trail Blazers head coach Chauncey Billups, Miami Heat guard Terry Rozier, former NBA player Damon Jones, and 28 other individuals were brought to you by DraftKings, the NBA said in a statement.
New Disney Ride Inverts Guests And Shakes Their Wallets Out Of Their Pockets
ANAHEIM, CA — An exciting new attraction unveiled at Disneyland reportedly inverts guests and shakes their wallets out of their pockets.
10 Coolest Features Of Trump’s New White House Ballroom
President Donald Trump’s project to construct a new grand ballroom at the White House has been grabbing all the headlines, but have you heard about all the amazing features it’s going to include?
Congress Reassures Nation Government Shutdown Will Not Affect Paychecks For Congress
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Amid an ongoing government shutdown, members of the U.S. Congress reassured the American public on Thursday that the paychecks of the U.S. Congress would not be affected.
America Calls Brief Truce With Canada Until Dodgers Defeated
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump has reportedly extended an olive branch to Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney, agreeing to a brief truce until the Dodgers could be defeated.
Rebel Alliance Warns Obama’s Presidential Library Almost Fully Operational
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Leaders within the Rebel Alliance have recently warned that Obama’s Presidential Library is almost fully operational.
Uh Oh: Trump Just Commandeered An Excavator And He’s Heading For The Capitol
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Witnesses looked on in horror as President Trump commandeered an excavator from outside the White House and began heading for the Capitol.