LEBANON, TN — Questions continue to swirl over whether perhaps Cracker Barrel went too far overcorrecting as it unveiled a logo featuring a Confederate flag and the new name "The South Will Rise Again."
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UK Enacts Plan To Stop Rape Gangs By Arresting All Potential Rape Victims
SCOTLAND — As part of a sweeping effort to put a stop to Arab migrant rape gangs terrorizing the country, UK authorities have begun rounding up and arresting all potential rape victims.
Southwest To Require Your Mom To Charter Entire Plane
DALLAS, TX — As part of a company-wide initiative to increase revenue and provide a greater level of comfort for its passengers, Southwest Airlines announced that, effective immediately, your mom would be required to charter the entire plane to accommodate her.
Travis Kelce Finally Acquires Ring Without Help Of Referees
U.S. — Travis Kelce, long-time tight end for the Kansas City Chiefs, has finally acquired an expensive ring without the help of NFL referees.
Instant Sainthood: Man Installs Car Seat Without Cussing
ST. LOUIS, MO — Witnesses report that Micah Rupe was granted instant sainthood after he properly installed a car seat without cussing even once.
Travis Kelce Says He’ll Write His Own Wedding Vows as Soon as He Learns How to Spell ‘Psyched’
LEAWOOD, KS — Football star Travis Kelce will reportedly write his own vows for his upcoming wedding to American pop star Taylor Swift just as soon as he learns how to spell "psyched".
Trump Vows To Nationalize As Many Private Companies As It Takes To Defeat Socialism
WASHINGTON, DC — President Donald Trump announced this week his administration plans on nationalizing as many private businesses and companies as possible in order to fight socialism.
Human Trafficker Says It’s Inhumane To Be Trafficked To Another Country
BALTIMORE, MD — As the public debate continued to rage over the Trump administration’s immigration policies, one human trafficker asked for the government to reconsider deporting him on the grounds that it is inhumane to be trafficked to another country.
Trump Unveils Giant Cannon For Faster, More Entertaining Deportations
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump delighted the nation this week, unveiling plans for a giant cannon that he hopes will facilitate faster, more entertaining deportations.
Taylor Swift Engagement Overturned As Referee Determines Travis Kelce’s Knee Didn’t Touch The Ground
U.S. — Taylor Swift’s love story came to an abrupt end after a referee jumped out of the bushes following her engagement to football player Travis Kelce and overturned the proposal.