U.S. — According to sources, the next "No Kings" protest is expected to end no later than 4 p.m. so that everyone in attendance can get home in time for Matlock.
Babylon Bee
Worse And Worse: Platner Also Has A Nickelback Tattoo
AUGUSTA, ME — Things have gone from bad to worse for Democratic Senate hopeful Graham Platner, who was revealed to not only have Nazi tattoo on his chest, but a Nickelback tattoo on his lower back.
Louvre Announces They Have Installed A Ring Camera
PARIS — Following Sunday’s theft of artifacts valued at $102 million, the Louvre updated its security system to include a second generation indoor Ring camera.
Trump Unveils White House Water Slide
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump announced this week that as part of the White House renovation, he will be installing a giant water slide on the roof that will go all the way down to the Rose Garden.
Trump Declares White House ‘ICE Free Zone’ Until Construction On New Ballroom Is Done
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump has declared the White House a no-go zone for ICE raids until construction is completed on the new ballroom.
Man Replaces Personality With New Smoker
BOUNTIFUL, UT — Local man James Larson made a significant life change after deciding to replace his entire personality with his affection for his newly purchased smoker.
LeBron Performs Ceremonial Flop To Open New NBA Season
LOS ANGELES, CA — Lakers superstar LeBron James kicked off the NBA season Tuesday by performing the ceremonial opening flop ahead of the team’s first game against the Golden State Warriors.
Black Bears Demand To Be Referred To As ‘Bears Of Color’
SACRAMENTO, CA — In a historic move, California’s famous black bears, in cooperation with the NAACP, met on the steps of the state capitol to demand that they now be referred to as "Bears of Color."
Is It A Sin? Ask The Babylon Bee
People often mistake us for an official church ministry, so we get a lot of e-mails asking about sin. We usually ignore them, but not today! Join us as we exercise deep spiritual discernment to answer the following important questions:
White House Construction Crew Finds 1,357 More Cocaine Stashes
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Construction workers tasked with building a new White House Ballroom reportedly discovered 1,357 stashes of cocaine hidden within the walls and ceilings of the East Wing.