U.S. — Millions of Americans took to the streets today in order to express to the world their total and absolute ignorance about the political system they live in.
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RFK Orders Airstrike On Cargo Ship Full Of Tylenol
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Secretary of HHS Robert F. Kennedy Jr. ordered an airstrike on a cargo ship full of Tylenol attempting to reach the American coast.
‘How Long, O Lord, Will The Wicked Prosper?’ Asks Nation As Dodgers Advance To World Series
U.S. — Baseball fans across the country rent their garments and cried out in anguish tonight, asking the Almighty God how long they must suffer after the Los Angeles Dodgers swept the Milwaukee Brewers to once again advance to the World Series.
Family Excited To Get New Inkjet Printer That Will Work Flawlessly For First Six Hours And Then Never Again
SCRANTON, PA — The upcoming weekend promised to be a fun one for one local family, as they were excited to get a new inkjet printer that would work flawlessly for the first six hours and then never again.
9 More Movies & Shows Coming Soon From Daily Wire
The Daily Wire is stepping into the world of live-action television with The Pendragon Cycle, an ambitious adaptation of Stephen R. Lawhead’s popular fantasy novels. But show runner and former Daily Wire CEO Jeremy Boreing isn’t stopping there.
Church Organist Adds Blistering 10-Minute Organ Solo To ‘A Mighty Fortress Is Our God’
JONESBORO, AK — Services at a local Lutheran church were reportedly disrupted this week when the church organist added a blistering 10-minute organ solo to "A Mighty Fortress Is Our God."
Could a Communist Muslim Terrorist Be the Solution to New York City’s Budget Problems?
Budget crises are nothing new for New York City. Though the city has come a long way since the 1970s, when it was over $400 million in debt and required state and federal intervention, New York has been in the red for the past three years. Current projections…
Zelenskyy Tries To Catch Glimpse Of Trump By Climbing White House Sycamore Tree
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy was reportedly invited to an official meeting in the Oval Office today after President Trump spotted him climbing a sycamore tree outside the White House just to see him.
John Bolton’s Mustache Agrees To Testify Against Him In Exchange For Immunity
GREENBELT, MD — A former Trump administration National Security Advisor’s legal defense faced an uphill battle, as news broke that John Bolton’s mustache had agreed to testify against him in exchange for immunity.
Claiming It’s A Drug Boat, Trump Drone-Strikes Noah’s Ark
WASHINGTON, D.C. — A large ship carrying every kind of animal was successfully destroyed with the use of a tactical drone strike, the White House announced Friday, after President Trump authorized deadly force to take out what he claimed was a drug boat.