PRIOR LAKE, MN — Sources close to local man Todd Stevens say the life-long Minnesotan has decided to switch his allegiance to whichever political party will get this video of the male Vikings cheerleaders off his Twitter feed.
Babylon Bee
Dems Say Mail-In Ballot Ban Will Place Undue Hardship On Dead Voters
WASHINGTON, D.C. — As President Donald Trump continues to hint at taking action to require in-person voting in U.S. elections, Democratic leaders warned that a mail-in ballot ban would place undue hardship on dead voters.
Kids Ministry That Spells ‘Kids’ With A ‘Z’ Gonna Be Absolutely Lit
LITTLE ROCK, AR — According to sources, a local church’s kids ministry spells "kids" with a "z" instead of an "s" at the end, a sure sign that this kids ministry is absolutely lit.
Inappropriate? Zelenskyy Shows Up To Negotiations In Novelty Bikini T-Shirt
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy arrived at the White House today wearing a novelty bikini t-shirt which some are calling inappropriate.
Dallas Cowboys Relieved To No Longer Be Gayest Team In League
FRISCO, TX — After witnessing the debut of the Minnesota Vikings’ new male cheerleaders, the Dallas Cowboys expressed relief that they would no longer be known as the gayest team in the National Football League.
Problems In Middle East Blamed On The 0.3% Of It That Isn’t An Islamic Dictatorship
AMMAN — As experts and diplomats continue to search for the solution to the generations-long conflict in the region, one surprising study has concluded that problems in the Middle East should definitely be blamed on the 0.3% of it that isn’t an Islamic dictatorship.
Donkey Kong Certain Collecting Another Banana Will Fill God-Shaped Hole In His Heart
INGOT ISLE — According to sources, the ape known as Donkey Kong is certain collecting another banana will fill the God-shaped hole in his heart.
Metropolis Sues Superman For Reducing Crime
METROPOLIS — A new scandal threatened to arise between governing officials and Earth’s greatest superhero, as Metropolis sued Superman for being far too effective in reducing crime in the city.
New Phone For Introverts Doesn’t Have A Call Function
U.S. — Samsung has released a new phone designed specifically for introverts which has no call function whatsoever.
Man Still Not Understanding Bible Verse Despite Author Writing ‘Let The Reader Understand’
TOPEKA, KS — Local man Chris Hampton remained terribly confused about the meaning of a Bible verse despite the Biblical author having written "Let the reader understand."