SAN DIEGO, CA — In a small corner of the San Diego Zoo’s chimpanzee exhibit lies a modest laptop computer that an autistic chimp named Hank uses to run Governor Gavin Newsom’s X account.
Babylon Bee
God Agrees To Let Trump Into Heaven If He Repents Of His Sin And Trusts In Jesus Christ Alone For Salvation
HEAVEN — Celestial sources report that in response to hearing of President Trump’s hopes for getting into heaven, God has agreed to let Trump into His kingdom if he simply repents of his sin and trusts in Christ alone for his salvation.
Trump To Receive Nobel Prize For Getting Zelenskyy To Wear A Suit
OSLO — The Nobel Committee has officially announced that President Trump will be awarded the prestigious Peace Prize for getting Volodymyr Zelenskyy to actually wear a suit.
10 Questions You Should Be Able To Answer In Order To Vote
With President Donald Trump making election reform a priority, cleaning up the process and determining qualifications for voting are important. Who should vote, and how can it be determined?
Mamdani Rage Quits After Everyone In His SimCity Starves Again
NEW YORK — Mayoral candidate Zohran Mamdani caused a stir this week when he rage quit from a game of Sim City 4 after the residents of his simulated city starved to death again.
Men’s Bible Study Once Again Derailed By Mention Of Nephilim
CHINO HILLS, CA — A men’s bible study was suddenly derailed when one of its members decided that the time scheduled for the study of Romans was the right time to bring up the Nephilim again.
IT’S HERE: Our New Streaming Platform ‘Bee Minus’ Launches Today, And We Need Your Help
The Babylon Bee changed the satire game forever when we launched 9 years ago. Now, we’re taking on unfunny, woke Hollywood with brand-new shows, sketches, web series, and movies, all from the minds that come up with the fake news headlines you read every day.
8 Possible Names For MSNBC’s Exciting New Rebrand
Beleagured cable news channel MSNBC has rebranded itself as MS NOW, but that wasn’t the only new name considered. The executives at NBCUniversal reportedly settled on the new name after whittling down a list of suggestions.
Study Finds Average Parent Spends 92% Of Life In School Pickup Line
WASHINGTON, D.C. — A new study from Pew Research indicates that the average parent spends 92% of his or her life waiting for children in the school pickup line.
Chuck Schumer Said He’s Never Felt In Danger Walking In DC And Neither Have His Ten Bodyguards
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer disagreed with the president’s assessment of D.C., saying he’s never once felt in danger walking the ten minutes it takes to get to his car, and neither have any of his ten bodyguards.