WASHINGTON, D.C. — As part of his comprehensive overhaul of America’s national museums, President Donald Trump ordered the Smithsonian to display an exhibit of the now-defunct Cracker Barrel logo.
Babylon Bee
Introvert Bites Down On Cyanide Capsule As Waiters Start Singing ‘Happy Birthday’ To Him
RIVERDALE, UT — A tragic scene ensued last night, as an introvert bit down on a cyanide capsule at his own birthday dinner as soon as the waiters started singing "Happy Birthday" to him.
Announcement: The Bee Is Excited To Unveil Our New Logo
U.S. — Times change, and we must change with them. That was the philosophy that prompted us to update our company logo to remove anything that could be construed as appealing or exciting.
‘We Don’t Have Money In The Budget To Tithe,’ Says Family Currently Spending 30k/Year On Travel Baseball
LAKE FOREST, CA — According to local man Todd Lyons, there’s simply no room in the budget for his family to tithe as they are already having to spend $30,000 a year on travel baseball for their 10-year-old son.
Trump Says Following Brief Phone Call, Hurricane Erin Has Agreed To Change Course
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump says that after a brief phone call with the violent storm, Hurricane Erin has agreed to change course away from the United States.
California Issues Commerical Driver’s License To Stevie Wonder
LOS ANGELES, CA — The California state government is once again under fire after the revelation it issued a Commercial Driver’s License to famed blind pianist Stevie Wonder.
10 Ways Babies Are Smarter Than Liberals
While babies are undeniably cute, they aren’t too bright. Yet, despite being unable to talk or poo on a potty, babies are still significantly smarter than today’s liberals. Here are ten ways babies are outpacing the libs:
Getting Out Of Hand? Newsom Orders Aide To Shoot Off His Ear
SACRAMENTO, CA — Sources close to Gavin Newsom say that the governor’s Trump imitations may be getting a little out of hand after Newsom ordered an aide to shoot off part of his ear.
Meet Hank, The Autistic Chimpanzee Who Runs Gavin Newsom’s X Account
SAN DIEGO, CA — In a small corner of the San Diego Zoo’s chimpanzee exhibit lies a modest laptop computer that an autistic chimp named Hank uses to run Governor Gavin Newsom’s X account.
God Agrees To Let Trump Into Heaven If He Repents Of His Sin And Trusts In Jesus Christ Alone For Salvation
HEAVEN — Celestial sources report that in response to hearing of President Trump’s hopes for getting into heaven, God has agreed to let Trump into His kingdom if he simply repents of his sin and trusts in Christ alone for his salvation.