New York City mayoral candidate Zohran Mamdani’s viral bench press exhibition has gotten everyone talking about the importance of fitness — no matter what your political affiliation may be. But are there exercises even liberals can do?
Babylon Bee
Man Fulfills The Great Commission By Occasionally Wearing Novelty Christian T-Shirt In Public
COSTA MESA, CA — A local Christian man was confident that he was likely the cause of periodical resounding celebrations in Heaven, as he proudly fulfilled the Great Commission by occasionally wearing novelty Christian T-shirts in public.
‘Help! I Need A Spotter!’ Cries Mamdani Struggling Under 5-Pound Yoga Dumbbells
NEW YORK CITY, NY — New York mayoral candidate Zohran Mamdani was seriously injured Saturday after getting pinned under a pair of 5 lb. yoga bells at an election event.
Report: Kilmar Abrego Garcia Just One Away From Free Burrito On His Deportation Punch Card
BALTIMORE, MD — As the Trump administration prepared to make another attempt to send a dangerous foreigner with a criminal record out of the country, news broke that Kilmar Abrego Garcia was allegedly just one away from a free burrito on his deportation punch card.
Trump Decrees Anyone Who Does Not Bow Down To The American Flag When The Music Plays Shall Be Tossed Into The Fiery Furnance
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In his latest executive order, President Donald Trump has ordered that anyone who does not bow down to the American flag when the music plays shall be tossed into the fiery furnace.
Somber Democrats Mourn DC Going A Record Ten Days Without A Murder
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a muted display of mourning, a group of somber Democrats commemorated the unprecedented streak of 10 murder-free days in Washington, D.C.
Mayorship Of New York To Be Awarded To First Candidate Who Can Bench Press The Bar
NEW YORK CITY — New York City has moved to adopt a new system whereby the mayorship will be awarded to the first candidate who can bench press the bar.
Trump Orders Visa Review Of Anyone With One Of Those Squiggly Line N’s In Their Name
WASHINGTON, D.C. — As part of the administration’s ongoing effort to remove illegal immigrants, President Trump has ordered the visa status reviewed of anyone with one of those weird "squiggly line n’s" in their name.
Friend Group Recruits Baptist So As To Always Have Designated Driver
AMARILLO, TX — A group of local friends has recruited a Baptist girl so as to always have a designated driver.
Al Qaeda Claims Responsibility For Cracker Barrel Logo Change
KABUL — In a newly released video, the terrorist group Al-Qaeda has claimed responsibility for the changing of the Cracker Barrel logo.