WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a sickening display of cold-heartedness, American leftists are demanding that immigrants stay in the evil, oppressive regime of the United States.
Babylon Bee
Breaking: Chicago Man Not Shot
CHICAGO — Chicago native Matthew Hayes reportedly defied all odds this week by not being shot.
Journalist Up Late Trying To Decide Whether To Compare Trump’s Bill To Jim Crow Or Holocaust
WASHINGTON, D.C. — A local journalist stayed up late into the night trying to settle on the right way to report on Trump’s "Big, Beautiful Bill." He is currently torn on whether to compare the bill to Jim Crow or the Holocaust.
Red Lobster Introduces Exciting New Menu Item ‘Box Of Things We Found At The Beach’
ORLANDO — For a limited time, Red Lobster’s menu will be updated to include a "Box of Things We Found at the Beach."
Report: Trump Bill Will Cause 175 Billion People To Lose Medicaid And Die
U.S. — An alarming report from the Foundation for Communal Socialistic Equity has confirmed that Trump’s signature "Big Beautiful Bill" will cause 175 billion people to lose their Medicaid and die horrible deaths.
Check It Out: 10 More States Announce Fun Migrant Prisons
Check out what’s coming above! Any others you’d like to see? Let us know in the comments below.
How 9 Politicians Are Celebrating This 4th Of July
It’s birthday time once again for the greatest nation on earth: America. Everybody likes to celebrate ‘Murica a little differently – here are how nine famous politicians are planning to mark the 4th of July this year:
Subway Names Diddy As New Spokesman
U.S. — The Subway sandwich franchise has excitedly announced its newest spokesman, Sean "Diddy" Combs.
Op-Ed: The Problem With Kids These Days Is Not Enough Of Them Smoke Cigarettes
Kids these days are a bunch of weenies, and it all starts with not enough of them smoking cigarettes.
Sad: Great White Shark Stripped Of UPenn Women’s Swimming Title
PHILADELPHIA, PA — After years of outrage, a Pennsylvanian Great White shark was stripped this morning of its University of Pennsylvania Women’s Swimming titles by school officials.