LONDON — As the United Kingdom’s Supreme Court Judge issued a landmark ruling that "a woman" is defined as "an adult human female", onlookers could not help but notice that the judge looked suspiciously like Matt Walsh in a powdered wig.
Babylon Bee
9 Loopholes To Help You Avoid Paying Taxes
It’s that time of year again when everyone lets the government steal from them in the form of "taxes." But what if there were some easy tricks to avoid paying taxes altogether?
California Mandates Homeowners Install Wheelchair Ramps On Porches For Disabled Burglars
SACRAMENTO, CA — In a landmark initiative praised by advocates as a sign of tremendous progress for the handicapped community, the state of California mandated that homeowners install wheelchair ramps on all porches for disabled burglars.
Harvard Warns Loss Of Federal Funding Will Cripple Their Ability To Find A Final Solution To The Jewish Problem
CAMBRIDGE, MA — In the wake of the Trump administration freezing $2.3 billion in federal funding to Harvard University, leaders of the university are sounding the alarm that the loss of funding will severely cripple their ability to find a final solution to the Jewish Problem.
10 Reasons Women Make Better Astronauts Than Men
Though men were the first to reach for the stars, science has proven definitively that women are far better suited to the task. Consider the evidence.
Trump Summons Elon Musk To Oval Office To Help Him Open A PDF
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In another win for technical competence, Elon Musk put his technocrat skills to good use when Trump recently summoned him to the Oval Office to help him open a PDF.
Health Tip: To Beat Those Spring Allergies, Try Diving Headfirst Into A Volcano
Allergies getting you down? Medical professionals agree that the best way to take care of those pesky allergies is to dive headfirst into a volcano and die. Instantly, your allergies will be gone!
Trump Reveals He Took ‘Which Harry Potter House Are You In?’ Quiz And He’s A Gryffindor
WASHINGTON, D.C. — A specialized test used to determine which Hogwarts House a person belongs to has proven once and for all that President Trump is "smart as a whip" and a Gryffindor.
Man Sadly Informs Son After Watching ‘Return Of The Jedi’ That They Never Made Any More Star Wars Movies
BLOOMINGTON, IN — One local man had the unenviable task of ruining his child’s day, as he sadly informed his son after watching Return of the Jedi that they never made any more Star Wars movies.
Top 10 Hottest Hunks According To Taylor Lorenz
Former Washington Post journalist Taylor Lorenz cemented herself as the world’s leading style icon when she called Luigi Mangione, who murdered a healthcare CEO, a handsome and morally good person. That’s why we invited her to give us her top ten list of the hunkiest men of all…