U.S. — In the latest in an ongoing streak of victories that experts predicted would significantly improve the lives of Americans, President Donald Trump announced that he had ordered the U.S. military to bomb a ship smuggling over 30,000 kilos of illegal pumpkin spice.
Babylon Bee
Hunter Biden Tells Dad He Going To Need A New Boat
REHOBOTH BEACH, DE — Hunter Biden informed his father today that, due to an unexpected malfunction, he is going to be needing a new boat.
9 Most Surprising Things You Can Get Arrested For In The UK
Authorities in the UK are cracking down on just about everything these days, but some of the things that can get you in trouble may surprise you.
Osama Bin Laden Getting Real Friggin’ Tired Of Not Getting Credit for 9/11
THE INFERNO — In a stunning tell-all interview from the bowels of Hell, Osama bin Laden said he is getting really friggin’ sick and tired of not getting credit for 9/11.
Family Picture Once Again Ruined By Aiden
CINCINNATI, OH — According to preliminary reports from the ground, yet another one of the Grayson’s family photos has been totally by Aiden.
Navy Recruitment Soars After Going Back To Blowing Up Pirates
U.S. — Recruitment for the United States Navy has soared overnight after going back to its roots of blowing up pirates.
Trump Invites Doubting Democrats To Touch The Hole In His Ear
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump laid rumors of health decline to rest yesterday by inviting doubting Democrats to come forward and touch the hole in his ear.
Stubborn Trump Refuses To Admit He’s Dead
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a statement from the Oval Office, President Trump stubbornly refused to admit that he died this past weekend.
Sad: Wife’s Story Once Again Interrupts Lord Of The Rings Soundtrack Playing In Man’s Head
TACOMA, WA — Local husband Jeremy Wright had his internal Lord Of The Rings soundtrack interrupted once again by his wife telling one of her stories about something or whatever.
Woke Jesus Is Now A Web Series!
That lovable ragamuffin Woke Jesus is at it again in a brand-new web series appearing only on Bee Minus. Episodes 1 and 2 are available for free on YouTube, but future episodes will be exclusive to the Bee Minus video platform.