FORREST CITY, AR — According to sources, the trumpet call announcing the glorious return of Christ has sounded throughout the earth, leading local woman Amber Clark to begin frantically cleaning her home.
Babylon Bee
Christianity Today: ‘Jesus May Not Have Existed And The Bible Is A Lie And God Is Dead’
CAROL STREAM, IL — An article published by Christianity Today calls into question the existence of Jesus, argues that the Bible is a lie, and says God is dead.
Catholic Church To Consider Electing Pope Who’s A Catholic This Time
VATICAN CITY — Following the death of Pope Francis, cardinals within the Roman Catholic Church have expressed interest in electing a pope who’s actually Catholic this time.
Dalai Lama Quietly Cancels Scheduled Meeting With JD Vance
DHARAMSHALA — After the sad news broke that Pope Francis had passed away just hours after meeting the U.S. Vice President, the Dalai Lama quietly canceled his scheduled meeting with JD Vance.
Life Hack: In Lieu Of Reading Book Of Revelation, Just Go Outside And Watch It Happen
Have you ever wished you could experience the Bible firsthand? Have you ever found the book of Revelation to be confusing and challenging to understand? A game-changing new life hack aims to solve both of these problems at the same time!
To Overrule The Supreme Court, Trump Establishes New Ultra Supreme Mega Court
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following a frustrating string of judicial roadblocks that have hindered his agenda, President Donald Trump announced a move to overrule the United States Supreme Court by establishing the new Ultra Supreme Mega Court.
Awkward Start As Saint Peter Asks Francis If He Can Have His Pope Hat Back
GLORY — The afterlife of one of the world’s most prominent religious figures got off to an awkward start today, as Saint Peter reportedly asked the newly arrived Francis if he could have his pope hat back.
Did Dad Get A Glow Up? Yep, That’s A Sexy New Plaid Shirt From Walmart
SPRINGFIELD, IL — In a stunning transformation, local dad Greg Thompson debuted a head-turning glow-up this weekend with a brand-new plaid shirt from Walmart’s clearance rack.
People Who Bypassed Legal Process In Migrating To USA Demand Legal Process Before Being Kicked Out
U.S. — According to sources, several individuals who bypassed the legal process in migrating to the United States are demanding due process before being deported.
Roman Authorities Investigating Jesus For Violating Stay-In-Tomb Order
JERUSALEM—Roman authorities are investigating controversial religious leader Jesus of Nazareth for violating the Empire's clear "stay in tomb" order. After crucifying him and laying him in the tomb, Roman guards put Him under strict orders to stay there and not come back, rising victorious over sin and death.