VATICAN CITY — According to Vatican officials, newly elected Pope Leo XIV spent the majority of his first day on the job undoing all of the former pope’s executive orders.
Babylon Bee
Trump’s Popularity Skyrockets After He Deports All Cyclists
U.S. — Despite controversies surrounding tariffs and the defunding of dozens of large government departments, a new poll showed President Donald Trump’s popularity skyrocketed after he announced the deportation of all cyclists.
Miracle: Image Of Mary Appears In Chicago Bean
CHICAGO, IL — In an astonishing miracle that theologians said was a herald of God’s blessing upon Chicago’s own Pope Leo XIV, an image of the Virgin Mary appeared in the Chicago Bean.
10 Common Mistakes Preachers Make
Being a preacher is a thankless job. You do your best to "rightly divide the Word of Truth" each week, but no one pays attention. But it’s not their fault, it’s yours. In all likelihood, you’re making one of ten common, and sometimes deadly, mistakes.
Hero: Bernie Sanders Buys Another House To Make Sure The Rich People Don’t Get All Of Them
BURLINGTON, VT — In a heroic move that sacrificed his own resources, Senator Bernie Sanders announced that he had bought yet another house to make sure the rich people don’t get all of them.
What You Should Know About The New Pope
With the election of Pope Leo XIV, millions of people — including some Catholics — were left looking for information about him to provide insight into how he might lead the Church.
Bernie Sanders Unveils His New Gold-Encrusted ‘Beat The Oligarchy’ Dirigible
U.S. — In the latest step in his quest to lead working-class Americans to overthrow the elite billionaire ruling class, Senator Bernie Sanders unveiled a gold-encrusted "Beat the Oligarchy" dirigible he would use to tour the country.
10 Reasons Republicans In Congress Haven’t Gotten Around To Defunding Planned Parenthood Yet
The new Republican-controlled Congress is now in its fifth month, leaving millions of people who voted for them wondering when they might get around to… maybe… accomplishing some of the important things they campaigned on, like defunding popular baby-murder corporation Planned Parenthood.
Eagle Firing AR-15 Emerges From Vatican Indicating An American Pope Has Been Selected
VATICAN — In an aerial display that delighted millions, the Vatican conclave released a bald eagle firing an AR-15 into the air to signal that an American pope had been selected.
JD Vance Already Making Plans To Kill New Pope
U.S. — In the minutes following the announcement of Chicago Cardinal Robert F. Prevost as the new Pope, Vice President Vance has reportedly already begun making plans to kill him.