Babylon Bee
BREAKING: Smoke Has Risen From Buc-ee’s Indicating Fresh Brisket Is On The Board
WACO, TX — The gathered crowds broke out into deafening cheers as smoke rose from Buc-ee’s this afternoon, indicating fresh brisket was on the board.
Fox News Calls Papacy For Joe Biden
U.S. — Fox News has announced that it is ready to officially project the winner of the papacy, calling the conclave for Joe Biden.
Sad: AOC Unable To Obtain Real ID Because She Died On Jan 6 And Is A Ghost
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The national movement to require everyone to convert their forms of identification continued to receive pushback as Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez revealed she was unable to obtain a Real ID because she died on Jan 6 and is now a ghost.
Trump Sends In Nicolas Cage To Reoccupy Alcatraz
SAN FRANCISCO — Nicolas Cage has successfully infiltrated Alcatraz after being tapped by President Trump to reoccupy the famous island prison.
India Retaliates Against Pakistan By Scamming Them Out Of Millions In Amazon Gift Cards
INDIA — In a brutal response to the killings in Kashmir, India retaliated against Pakistani by scamming their foes out of millions in Amazon gift cards.
Trump Renames San Francisco Bay ‘Gulf Of Criminals’
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — As part of his ongoing crusade to change the name of each body of water in the world, President Donald Trump announced on Wednesday that the San Francisco Bay would now be known as the "Gulf of Criminals."
The Bee Explains: How A Conclave Works
The Catholic Church has officially begun the process of selecting a new Pope, using a mysterious and secretive method known as a "conclave." So, how does a conclave work? Here is everything you need to know:
Trump Promises To Negotiate Peace In India As Soon As They Take Him Off Hold
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump has vowed to negotiate a quick end to the violence between India and Pakistan, just as soon as he taken off the "brief hold" he was placed on.
Woman Terrified Of White Men Leaves Africa For Minnesota
MINNEAPOLIS, MN — According to reports, a local woman and Congressional representative left Africa and immigrated to Minnesota, in spite of her paralyzing fear of white men.