WASHINGTON, D.C. — The bloody years-long conflict between Ukraine and Russia was finally brought to an end this week, as President Donald Trump successfully negotiated a ceasefire between the countries by agreeing to give Vladimir Putin California.
Babylon Bee
‘Crime is Down In DC!’ Shouts Journalist Currently Being Pummeled By Group Of Thugs
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Shocking dozens of viewers, a CNN journalist was nearly beaten to death by a group of thugs during a live broadcast while reporting that crime is down in D.C.
Tucker Carlson Releases Exclusive Interview With Dredged-Up Corpse Of Osama Bin Laden
WOODSTOCK, ME — In an episode of his program that was sure to create significant buzz online, Tucker Carlson announced an exclusive interview with the dredged-up corpse of long-dead terrorist leader Osama bin Laden.
Jerome Powell Says He Won’t Lower Interest Rates Until He Can Be Sure It Won’t Help Trump
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell confirmed Tuesday he will not lower interest rates until he can be sure it won’t help President Trump.
Democrat Mayors Report Violent Crime Down 40% Since They Redefined ‘Violent’ and ‘Crime’
U.S. — Despite claims by President Donald Trump that American cities are being overrun by criminals, Democrat mayors across the country reported that violent crime was actually down 40% since they redefined the words "violent" and "crime".
New Movie Has Jim Caviezel Playing Every Character From Entire Bible
U.S. — A Biblical epic in development at Angel Studios will reportedly star American actor Jim Caviezel as every single character from the entire Bible.
Vigilante Justice: Trump Dresses Up As Bat And Patrols Streets Of DC
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Left without other practical options in a city overwhelmed by violent crime, President Donald Trump reportedly decided to dispense vigilante justice by dressing up like a giant bat and patrolling the streets of D.C.
10 Undeniable Reasons Communist China Is Way Better Than America
Glory to glorious leader, President Xi!
In Lieu Of Dystopian Sci-Fi Movie, American Just Watching News From England
U.S. — According to sources, Americans no longer need dystopian sci-fi novels to serve as ominous warnings of authoritarian control or societal collapse, as they now have England for that.
Trump Vows To Drastically Reduce The Number Of Criminals In Washington By Sending Congress Home
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In response to growing concern across the country about rampant crime in the nation’s capital, President Donald Trump vowed to drastically reduce the number of criminals in Washington, D.C., by sending members of Congress home.