WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following the announcement that the president had ordered the federalization of law enforcement in the nation’s capital, Washington, D.C., Mayor Muriel Bowser warned that Trump’s crime-fighting measures would unfairly impact criminals.
Babylon Bee
8 Changes Trump Is Making To The 2028 Olympics
After declaring himself chair of the 2028 Olympic Task Force, President Trump wasted no time in making much-needed alterations to the summer games. Here are eight changes that will be coming when the Olympics heads to Los Angeles:
Spirit Flight Attendant Says In The Event Of A Water Landing Lifejackets Will Be Available For $39.99
U.S. — Spirit Airlines flight attendants have begun advertising that in the event of a water landing, passengers will have the option of purchasing a lifejacket for $39.99.
Study Finds Alcohol Sales Spike Sharply During VBS
U.S. — A national study has found massive spikes in alcohol sales whenever a Vacation Bible School is hosted nearby.
Family Struggling To Answer Grandma’s Question About Why Everyone Is Talking About The WNBA
INDIANAPOLIS, IN — With all the ongoing controversy over inappropriate items being thrown onto the court during basketball games, a local family struggled to answer their grandmother’s question about why everyone is talking about the WNBA these days.
Drug Cartels Begin Using Kryptonite To Fend Off ICE Agent Dean Cain
U.S. — Radioactive debris from the planet Krypton, known as Kryptonite, was discovered at the site of an ICE raid on Friday, signaling that Mexican cartels had begun carrying the dangerous substance in an attempt to thwart new ICE agent Dean Cain.
Democrats Warn New Trump Census Could Negate All The Illegal Alien Votes Biden Brought In
WASHINGTON, D.C. — After President Donald Trump ordered census takers to only include U.S. citizens in their counts, Democrats warned the country that the new rule could negate all the illegal alien votes Joe Biden worked so hard to bring in.
10 Common Misconceptions About The Bible, Corrected
The Bible is the most widely read and revered book in human history, but there are still a lot of misconceptions about what it is and what it says.
Due To Child Actors Aging, ‘Stranger Things’ Season 5 To Take Place In Haunted Nursing Home
U.S. — As a result of lengthy production delays, the child actors of the popular Netflix show Stranger Things have aged out of their roles, and the show has been forced to pivot, moving its setting from the suburban neighborhood and school yards of Hawkins, Indiana, to a…
Gina Carano Settles With Disney, Will Replace Pedro Pascal In All Movies
BURBANK, CA — In the conclusion to a years-long legal battle, actress and former MMA fighter Gina Carano announced that she had reached an agreement to settle with Disney and would subsequently replace Pedro Pascal in all movies.