Are you feeling depressed? Lethargic? A new study says you may just need to go for a run, as the misery of running will distract you from your depression.
Babylon Bee
Female Umpire Ejects Player For Something He Did In Her Dream Last Night
ATLANTA, GA — The qualifications of a new female Major League Baseball umpire were called into question today as, during a simulated game the night before, she ejected a player for something he did in her dream last night.
Sound Of Husband Plopping Down On Couch Helpfully Reminds Wife There’s Something She Wanted Him To Do
TULSA, OK — Witnesses said local wife Danielle Matson perked up quickly after hearing the sound of her husband, Dave, plopping down on the couch, as it instantly reminded her of all the things she needed him to do for her.
9 Things Trump Is Doing To Get The U.S. Out Of Debt
With the country facing an astronomical deficit unlike anything previous generations could have imagined, President Donald Trump has reportedly made it a priority to take the situation more seriously and begin the hard work of getting the country out of the hole.
Trump Gerrymanders U.S. To Include Canada
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The geopolitical balance of power appeared to experience a significant shift this week, as President Donald Trump announced that he had gerrymandered the United States of America to now include Canada.
Apostles Quickly Start Acting Pious As They Notice Luke Watching And Taking Notes
PHILIPPI — A palpable change in tone and demeanor exhibited by a pair of traveling preachers was observed today, as the apostles quickly started acting more pious after they noticed their companion, Luke, watching and taking notes.
Man Would Be Awesome Dad If It Weren’t For These Rotten Kids
TREMONTON, UT — Local man Randy Carson encouraged himself this week upon realizing that he’d be the world’s most awesome dad if it weren’t for these rotten kids he has.
Trump Orders Census Takers Not To Count Anyone Wearing A Sombrero
WASHINGTON, D.C. — As part of an initiative to obtain a more accurate count of the nation’s population, President Donald Trump ordered U.S. census takers not to count anyone wearing a sombrero.
Trump Orders Census Takers Not To Count Anyone Wearing Sombrero
WASHINGTON, D.C. — As part of an initiative to obtain a more accurate count of the nation’s population, President Donald Trump ordered U.S. census takers not to count anyone wearing a sombrero.
Historians Warn Hitler Also Once Stood On Roof
BERLIN — Following the unusual incident in which President Donald Trump was spotted taking a walk on top of the White House, a group of historians warned that the infamous leader of Nazi Germany, Adolf Hitler, had also once stood on a roof.