U.S. — Conservatives across the country cheered the death of wokeness as America finally returned to its Christian roots of objectifying women’s bodies to sell stuff.
Babylon Bee
Nation’s Lesbians Announce Plan To Go To The Zoo Today
U.S. — The lesbians of the nation have announced that they are once again planning to go to the zoo today.
Authorities Drop Giant Dome On San Diego Convention Center To Contain Comic-Con Smell
SAN DIEGO, CA — Authorities have launched an ambitious operation to drop a massive dome over the San Diego Convention Center to keep the Comic-Con smell contained.
Seeker-Sensitive Church Hires Sydney Sweeney For New Ad Campaign
NAPERVILLE, IL — A local seeker-sensitive church was attracting a lot of attention this week with an exciting new ad campaign featuring Sydney Sweeney.
The Babylon Bee Presents An Exclusive Excerpt From Joe Biden’s Memoir
The world was abuzz this week with the news that former President Joe Biden had inked a $10 million deal to write his memoir, leading pundits and analysts everywhere to wonder what new information may be contained in the upcoming book.
Uber To Begin Offering ‘Not An Asian’ Option
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — In a bid to improve customer safety, ridesharing app Uber announced a new "Not An Asian" feature on their platform which automatically filters out Asian drivers.
Man At Disneyland Shocked By How Well His Kids Are Getting Along Suddenly Realizes He’s Standing With Wrong Family
ANAHEIM, CA — A local father who had taken his family to Disneyland was reportedly shocked at how well they were all behaving until he suddenly discovered he was standing with the wrong family.
Guy Groping Women At Comic Con Swears He Was Just Cosplaying As Pedro Pascal
SAN DIEGO, CA — One attendee of the largest pop culture gathering of the year found himself in hot water, as a guy groping women at Comic Con swore he was just cosplaying as Pedro Pascal.
Scandal: WSJ Reports Trump’s Name Appears In Their Article About The Epstein Files
NEW YORK, NY — In what many were calling the greatest political scandal in American history, the Wall Street Journal confirmed that Donald Trump’s name does, in fact, appear in the article about the Epstein File that was recently written by the Wall Street Journal.
Gaza Said To Be Starving But Not ‘Release The Hostages’ Starving
GAZA — Despite reports that multiple men, women, and children had starved to death in the war-torn Gaza Strip as a result of the ongoing Israel-Gaza War, with approximately 50,000 more facing starvation, Hamas sources said they were not "release the hostages" starving.