THE HIGH SEAS — Following the announcement of the show’s annual summer break, the hosts of ABC’s The View revealed they were going on hiatus to tear unwary sailors apart with their talons.
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Top 10 Fallback Jobs For Laid-Off IRS Workers
With new reports indicating that President Trump’s administration has reduced the Internal Revenue Service workforce by a staggering 25% since January, tens of thousands of former IRS employees are now looking for work. But what does the job market look like for them?
Hulk Hogan Makes Surprise Entrance To Challenge Jacob To Wrestling Match
HEAVEN — What began as a regular day in Heaven was quickly turned upside-down, as legendary sports entertainment icon Hulk Hogan made a surprise entrance to challenge Jacob to a wrestling match.
Harvey Weinstein Kicking Himself For Not Just Saying He Had Social Anxiety
LOS ANGELES, CA — After seeing the methods Pedro Pascal uses to calm himself in social situations, disgraced entertainment mogul Harvey Weinstein said he was kicking himself for not just saying he had social anxiety years ago.
Biden Excited to See What Autopen Comes Up With For His Memoir
GREENVILLE, DE — Former President Joe Biden expressed great interest and enthusiasm in his upcoming memoir, adding that he’s quite eager to see what the autopen comes up with for it.
Following Death Of Ozzy Osbourne, England Overrun With Millions Of Bats
LONDON — BBC News confirmed Wednesday that England is currently being overrun with millions of bats following the passing of heavy metal legend John Michael "Ozzy" Osbourne.
10 Ways An AI Wife Is Better Than A Real One
With the dawn of artificial intelligence wives, you may be asking yourself: which is better? Artificial intelligence, or the real thing?
Trump Announces He Has Acquired Giant Anime Sword In Japanese Trade Deal
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump announced the details of a historic trade deal with Japan on Wednesday through which he has finally acquired a giant anime sword.
Uber To Begin Offering Riders Choice Of Woman Driver Or Good Driver
SAN FRANCISCO, CA. — As a new feature to provide a greater level of optimization and representation, ridesharing giant Uber announced that it will begin offering riders a choice of having a woman driver or a good driver.
Slaves Dutifully Sew ‘Pay Us What You Owe Us’ On Shirts For Professional Athletes
XINJIANG, CHINA — Ahead of warm-ups for the 2025 WNBA All-Star Game, Uyghur slaves were seen dutifully sewing the words "Pay Us What You Owe Us" onto hundreds of shirts.