COOPERSTOWN, NY — In a shocking new report, a team of amateur ghost hunters working near the National Baseball Hall of Fame and Museum caught the ghost of Pete Rose placing bets on his Hall of Fame induction.
Babylon Bee
Study: Nobody Thinks They’re Stupid, But Many Are
U.S. — A newly released Harvard study on human intelligence has provided conclusive evidence that while nobody thinks they’re stupid, many are.
Trump Asks When He’ll Get To See The Elves And Hobbits On His Middle East Tour
DUBAI — Nearing the end of his highly publicized Middle East tour, administration sources reported that President Donald Trump had asked dignitaries when he would get to see the elves and hobbits.
Worrying: America Is Just As Unprepared Now For A Giant Monkey Climbing Skyscrapers As We Were In 1933
NEW YORK, NY — In a concerning new report, experts said that America is still just as unprepared today for a giant monkey climbing skyscrapers as we were back in 1933.
Amazing: James Comey Finds Natural Rock Formation Spelling Out ‘EXPLODE TRUMP’S HEAD WITH A BOOMERANG’
U.S. — Former FBI Director James Comey found himself in hot water this week for posting what he claimed was a natural rock formation that appeared to spell out "EXPLODE TRUMP’S HEAD WITH A BOOMERANG.’
Man Has Extremely Blessed Day After Kindly Old Black Woman Tells Him To Have A Blessed Day
ATLANTA, GA — Local man Greg Spitzer found himself on the proverbial "cloud nine" following an encounter with a kindly old black woman who told him to have a blessed day.
Home Depot Adds Self-Deportation Kiosks
U.S. — Home Depot has begun rolling out self-deportation kiosks so local day laborers hanging around outside their stores can conveniently deport themselves for a nominal fee.
Episcopalians Find Strange Old Book Hidden Under Pew
NEW YORK, NY — According to sources, a group of Episcopalian parishioners has found a strange old book hidden underneath one of their church’s pews.
Arby’s Apologizes For Offending Their Main Customer Base Of Sad Pathetic Losers
ATLANTA, GA — Amid controversy stemming from a provocative social media post, popular fast-food chain Arby’s issued a formal apology for offending their main customer base of sad, pathetic losers.
RFK Unveils New Plan To End Childhood Obesity By Chasing Fat Kids With A Stick
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In the latest expansion of the plan to make America healthy again, RFK, Jr. has just announced his intent to reduce childhood obesity in America by chasing fat kids around with a stick.