LOS ANGELES, CA — The results of a shocking new study conducted by researchers at UCLA sent ripples through the scientific community this week, confirming what many have long suspected: someone, somewhere is still making Avatar movies.
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Starving African Children Raise Money To Feed Ariana Grande
MEKELLE, ETHIOPIA — Starving African children bravely banded together this week to raise money to feed singer and actress Ariana Grande.
Trump Sadly Announces A Dog Ate The Epstein Files And Then The Dog Was Lost In A Boating Accident And Then The Boat Was Nuked
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump had been looking forward to releasing all of the Epstein files in accordance with Congress’s "Epstein Files Transparency Act", but reported that a dog actually ate the files, the dog was then lost in a boating accident, and then the boat was struck…
Local Wives Set Up Playdate For Their Husbands
TULSA, OK — Fun was set to be had by everyone in a few local families this week, as a group of wives reached out to each other to schedule a playdate for their husbands.
Bearded 6’4″ Man In A Dress Says He Needs An Awareness Week For Greater Visibility
LOS ANGELES, CA — Alyx Denton, a 6′ 4" bearded man who enjoys dressing up in sparkly women’s clothing, explained that "Trans Awareness Week" was absolutely necessary or else he might go totally unnoticed.
10 Proofs Jesus Was American
Lots of people try to remake Jesus in their own image by viewing His life through the lens of their culture, but this is a remarkably offensive way to view the King of Kings. Unless you’re American. We spoke to actual theologians to discuss the validity of Jesus…
Grandma Wonders Why Skillet Can’t Just Make Nice, Pretty Songs Riddled With False Doctrine Like Normal Christian Bands
SHAWNEE, KS — On the heels of the band’s new release of a thrashing version of the classic Christmas hymn "O Come, O Come Emmanuel," a local grandma wondered why Skillet couldn’t just make nice, pretty songs riddled with false doctrine like normal Christian bands.
With Internet Down, Your Uncle Now Forced To Go Door-To-Door To Share Fake News
BREAKING — Authorities issued an urgent bulletin this morning, notifying the public to be aware that, due to this morning’s widespread internet outage, your uncle had been forced to go door-to-door to share fake news.
Thousands Of Potentially Career-Ending Posts Thwarted By Internet Outage
U.S. — Thanks to Tuesday’s global Internet outage, tens of thousands of career-ending social media posts were thwarted.
Megachurch Now Lets Congregants Set Pastor To 2x Preaching Speed
IRVINE, CA — In an attempt to draw in more members, New Hope Crosspointe Church introduced a new feature this past Sunday, allowing congregants to set the pastor to a 2x speaking speed so they can end the service faster and get back to their lives.