UNITED KINGDOM — According to the Office for National Statistics (ONS), the names Muhammad, Mohammed, Mohamad, and Mohamed are now the most popular names in England.
Babylon Bee
South Africa Excited To Achieve 100% Diversity Once It Gets Rid Of All The White People
CAPE TOWN — One nation set its sights on becoming the envy of the rest of the globe, as the South African government said the country would soon achieve 100% diversity once it gets rid of all the white people.
Dangerous Tyrant Threatens To Suspend Habeas Corpus
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Abraham Lincoln has done the unthinkable and suspended the writ of habeas corpus, which shall surely be the end of our democracy and the beginning of a 1000-tyranny and darkness for all eternity.
Trump, Saudi Crown Prince Enjoy Romantic Evening Magic Carpet Ride For Two
WORLD — As part of a historic visit to the Middle East, President Trump and Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman reportedly shared a romantic evening magic carpet ride for two.
Score! Doctor Left A Cool Skeleton In Room For You To Play With
U.S. — What luck! Your doctor appointment just got a lot better after he left you a cool skeleton to play with while you’re waiting for him.
Jake Tapper Uncovers Startling Evidence That Biden’s Decline Was Covered Up By Jake Tapper
U.S. — In a shocking exposé, CNN anchor Jake Tapper has revealed new evidence that Biden’s mental and physical decline was covered up for years by Jake Tapper.
Democrats Confused By Legal Immigrants Who Seem To Love America
U.S. — Democrat onlookers were baffled at the unusual sight of a group of immigrants arriving in the United States legally while waving patriotic American flags.
More Winning: Here’s Everything Trump Scored In The China Trade Deal
A new U.S.-China trade deal has just been inked by President Trump which promises to reduce tariffs and improve relations between the two nations. But it also comes with some other perks.
‘Run! Get Out While You Can!’ Scream Dying Ferns As Woman Brings In New Houseplant
DENVER, CO — Local woman Shaylyn Bridger brought home three new houseplants this week, prompting her half-dead ferns to scream at them to get out while they still could.
Dark Day For Democracy As Insurrectionists Storm Government Building
NEWARK, NJ — The United States was plunged into a collective period of mourning to observe what historians categorized as a "dark day for democracy" after a group of insurrectionists stormed a government building.