WASHINGTON, D.C. — With arguments being presented on issues that will have far-reaching effects on shaping the future of American laws, society, and culture, the other eight Supreme Court justices brought in Ms. Rachel to explain cases to Ketanji Brown Jackson.
Babylon Bee
U.S. Offers To Trade Its Liberal Women For Iranian Women
WASHINGTON, D.C. — As part of ongoing efforts to improve things in both countries, the United States reportedly made an official diplomatic offer to trade all of its liberal women for Iranian women.
Protesters Protest For Higher Protesting Wage
MINNEAPOLIS, MN — Protesters hard at work sowing chaos in the city because of ICE raids and the death of Renee Good have reportedly transitioned over to protesting for a higher protesting wage.
Gotham’s Liberal Women Gather Outside Arkham To Protest Arrest Of The Joker
GOTHAM CITY — Justice faced a new obstacle in the wake of the Batman’s latest daring feat, as Gotham’s liberal women gathered outside Arkham Asylum to protest the vigilante’s arrest of the Joker.
The Official Babylon Bee NFL Playoff Betting Guide
Don’t gamble, you sinner.
Tucker Carlson Heads To Iran To Put Down Protests
TEHRAN — A hush fell over the massive mob of Persians gathered in the streets of Tehran on Monday, as media pundit Tucker Carlson arrived to scold the protesters and restore order to the nation.
Democrats Fear Iranian Love Of Freedom Could Spread To America
U.S. — With the fall of the Ayatollah regime appearing to be imminent, prominent Democrats expressed fear that the dangerous Iranian desire for freedom could potentially spread to the United States.
NFL Announces Each Quarter Of Playoff Game Will Be Broadcast On Different Streaming Service
U.S. — In its ongoing effort to make watching football as difficult as possible, the National Football League announced today that each quarter of the playoff games will be exclusively streamed on a different streaming network.
Liberals Begin Chugging Everclear At 7 A.M. To Protest RFK’s Warning Against Drinking At Breakfast
U.S. — In a powerful protest against Robert F. Kennedy Junior’s caution against drinking alcohol at breakfast, liberals have begun chugging bottles of Everclear at 7 a.m. every single morning.
Losing Football Team Excitedly Introduces New Coach Just Fired From Other Losing Football Team
U.S. — A losing football team excitedly announced today it had hired a new head coach, who was just fired from a different losing football team.