SAN FRANCISCO, CA — As part of his ongoing crusade to change the name of each body of water in the world, President Donald Trump announced on Wednesday that the San Francisco Bay would now be known as the "Gulf of Criminals."
Babylon Bee
The Bee Explains: How A Conclave Works
The Catholic Church has officially begun the process of selecting a new Pope, using a mysterious and secretive method known as a "conclave." So, how does a conclave work? Here is everything you need to know:
Trump Promises To Negotiate Peace In India As Soon As They Take Him Off Hold
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump has vowed to negotiate a quick end to the violence between India and Pakistan, just as soon as he taken off the "brief hold" he was placed on.
Woman Terrified Of White Men Leaves Africa For Minnesota
MINNEAPOLIS, MN — According to reports, a local woman and Congressional representative left Africa and immigrated to Minnesota, in spite of her paralyzing fear of white men.
9 Out Of 10 Financial Experts Now Recommend Saying The ‘N-Word’ On Camera
U.S. — A new foolproof method to build long-term wealth has been discovered, as a recent survey showed that a staggering 9 out of 10 financial experts now recommend saying the N-word on camera.
Corporal Klinger Finally Discharged From Army After Trans Military Ban
UIJEONGBU — Corporal Maxwell Klinger has finally been discharged from the Army after the U.S. Supreme Court upheld the Trump administration’s ban on trans military members.
Tragedy: Local Man Has To Go To Work Even Though He Doesn’t Feel Like It
HUNTINGTON BEACH, CA — Friends and family rallied to provide much-needed comfort to their loved one today, as a local man found himself experiencing the tragedy of having to go to work even though he didn’t feel like it.
10 People Trump Is Sending To The Reopened Alcatraz
With the whole nation abuzz with President Trump’s proposal to reopen and expand Alcatraz, it’s worth asking who, exactly, would be vile and dangerous enough to be imprisoned there.
Democrats Offer Illegal Immigrants $1,001 To Stay In US
U.S. — In response to President Donald Trump‘s offer to give illegal immigrants $1000 in exchange for deporting themselves, Democrats are upping the ante with a lucrative deal of $1001 to stay in the United States.
Newly Discovered Mosaic Law Required Israelites To Separate Themselves From Android Users
SINAI — Scholars marveled at the revelation of what was described as a long-hidden passage of religious text, as a newly discovered portion of the Mosaic Law required Israelites to separate themselves from "unclean" Android users.