U.S. — Democrats have updated the famous "New Colossus" poem on the Statue of Liberty to simply read, "Give us your wife beaters."
Babylon Bee
Democrats Warn Cutting State Propaganda Will Lead To Fascism
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Congressional Democrats sounded an alarm Friday, warning that cutting funding for state-sponsored propaganda programs would lead to fascism.
9 Deadly Consequences Of Defunding NPR
President Trump just defunded NPR… but at what cost? A survey of leading economists and media analysts may surprise you.
Trump Raises 25% Tariffs On All Brick Trades In Catan
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Gamers around the world expressed outrage and uncertainty about the future of the global economy after President Donald Trump raised 25% tariffs on all brick trades in Settlers of Catan.
Good News: The Duck Hunt Dog Has Passed Away
KYOTO — The "Duck Hunt Dog" from the classic video game Duck Hunt has died, Nintendo announced Friday.
Pitching Machine Tosses No-Hitter Against Local Dad
RANCHO-CUCAMONGA, CA — In a historic display of baseball prowess, a pitching machine tossed a no-hitter against local dad Keith Malvern.
After PBS Defunded, All Sesame Street Characters Forced To Move In With Oscar
SESAME STREET — Following President Donald Trump’s executive order to strip federal funding from PBS, residents of Sesame Street were forced to pack their bags and move in with Oscar the Grouch just to survive.
‘Hey Man, Want Any Red No. 40?’ Asks Dealer Opening Trench Coat
CHICAGO, IL — Authorities are advising citizens to avoid secluded alleyways due to reports of a suspicious individual wearing a trench coat who allegedly tries to sell people Red Dye No. 40, a known contraband.
Man From Pennsylvania Under Impression He Has Eaten Mexican Food
SCRANTON, PA — A group of friends received a detailed critique of popular south-of-the-border cuisine recently from a Pennsylvania man who was apparently under the impression that he had eaten actual Mexican food before.
Tim Walz Volunteers To Wear Gorilla Suit And Wrestle 100 Men
ST. PAUL, MN — Amid online controversy about whether 100 men could defeat one gorilla, former VP candidate Tim Walz has graciously volunteered this week to don a Gorilla suit and wrestle 100 men.