HAYS, KS — Wednesday evening reportedly marked the 18th anniversary of local parent Wendy Sullivan assuring herself that she would finally get a good night’s sleep the following night.
Babylon Bee
UK Prosecutes Synagogue For Provoking Attacker By Being Openly Jewish
MANCHESTER — The Crown Prosecution Service announced that charges had been filed against a Jewish synagogue on Thursday for provoking a violent terrorist attack against themselves by being openly Jewish.
Chimps Honor Jane Goodall With 21-Poo Salute
KIGOMA CITY — After news broke this week that the renowned primatologist and conservationist had passed away at the age of 91, a large group of chimps honored Jane Goodall with a 21-poo salute.
Analysts Suggest ‘Avatar’ Film Franchise Just A Giant Money Laundering Scheme
HOLLYWOOD, CA — Film industry analysts said that James Cameron’s Avatar franchise may not be a film franchise at all, but a clever multi-million dollar money laundering scheme.
Sexist Pete Hegseth Demands Women Be Equal To Men
U.S. — In a horrific display of sexism, War Secretary Pete Hegseth demanded that women in the military be equal to men.
Pope Condemns God For Instituting The Death Penalty
VATICAN CITY — The supreme pontiff of the Catholic Church issued a sharp criticism of the Almighty Creator of the universe this week, as Pope Leo XIV publicly condemned God for instituting the death penalty.
Baptist Pastor Resigns In Shame After Old Tweets Containing ‘Darn’ Resurface
BIRMINGHAM, AL — When he stepped down from the pulpit Sunday, local Baptist preacher Jim Craver had no idea it would be for the last time. Just days later, old tweets resurfaced in which he used the word "darn," forcing him to step away from his role as…
Sad: With New Military Fitness Standards, Your Mom Unable To Join Military
U.S. — Amid the news that Secretary of War Pete Hegseth had revised the fitness requirements for all armed forces personnel, one unfortunate side effect that may have gone unnoticed was the sad reality that the new military fitness standards would make your mom unable to join the…
7 Most Terrifying Consequences Of A Government Shutdown
Brace yourself, America: the federal government has been shut down. Congress will no longer be able to pass any bills and all federal agencies will grind to a halt. But, there will also be some very serious consequences.
Conservatives Announce Boycott Of NFL Until Next Sunday
U.S. — Following the announcement that music artist Bad Bunny would be performing at the Super Bowl halftime show, outraged conservatives across the country vowed to boycott the NFL until next Sunday.