SACRAMENTO, CA — Governor Gavin Newsom proudly announced over the weekend that the population of California was on the rise, as long as you don’t count all the people who left.
Babylon Bee
Emotional Passengers Board Final Spirit Airlines Flight For One Last All-Out Brawl
FORT LAUDERDALE, FL — In a touching tribute to one of America’s most formative chapters in air travel, dozens of emotional passengers gathered at the gate to board the final scheduled flight of Spirit Airlines, preparing themselves for one last, glorious, no-holds-barred midair brawl.
Iran Issues Serious Threat That They Have A Massive Reserve Of More Serious Threats
TEHRAN — Peace in the Middle East hit another major roadblock this week after Iranian officials issued a serious threat that they have a hidden strategic reserve of even more serious threats.
Homeless Declare Victory In Gavin Newsom’s Fight Against Homelessness
SAN FRANCISCO — The homeless of California have achieved a final and decisive victory in Governor Gavin Newsom’s fight against homelessness.
Trump Scraps Plans For Presidential Library In Favor Of Constructing A Presidential Truckasaurus
WASHINGTON, D.C. — It’s the custom of every president to build a presidential library, but President Donald Trump has announced he is going to buck that convention.
Flight Canceled Because Of Spirit Airlines Shuttering? Here Are 8 Better Travel Alternatives
As Spirit Airlines prepares to permanently close its doors, it’s time to take a look at some alternative means of travel.
Dad Sits Family Down And Lays Out Summer ‘Lord Of The Rings’ Viewing Schedule
LAKEWOOD, CO — In a solemn family meeting, local father Chandler Cooke gathered his wife and children into the living room to unveil the family’s detailed, non-negotiable Lord of the Rings summer viewing schedule.
Op-Ed: If We Stop Discriminating Based On The Color Of People’s Skin, The Racists Will Have Won
There’s a lot of talk out there about ending racial discrimination, but I implore everyone to reconsider. If we stop discriminating against people based on the color of their skin, the racists will have won.
Theologians Struggling To Explain How Loving God Could Allow Ohio
COLUMBUS, OH — The world’s leading theologians admitted this week that they have been collectively struggling to find a good explanation for why a loving God could allow Ohio.
With TSA Finally Funded, Air Travel Back To Being Awful For The Usual Reasons
U.S. — Now that the TSA is fully funded thanks to the end of the partial government shutdown, sources confirmed that air travel was already back to being awful for its usual reasons.