Babylon Bee
Indianapolis Colts Debut New Trick Play Where Philip Rivers Fakes Handoff To Running Back Then Runs Off Field To Get Wife Pregnant Again
INDIANAPOLIS, IN — The Indianapolis Colts unveiled a new trick play where quarterback Philip Rivers fakes a handoff, then jogs off the field to get his wife pregnant again.
Small Group Waits In Hushed Anticipation As Newlyweds Prepare To Offer Marriage Advice
OLATHE, KS — A local church gathering was set to offer new insights into life that no one else had ever discovered before, as a small group waited in hushed anticipation, as newlyweds prepared to offer marriage advice to everyone else.
Life Hack: Trick A Lovely Lady Into Marrying You By Hiding Your Obsessive Hobby Until Alas It Is Too Late For Her
Men, if you’re still looking for love we’ve got a sweet life hack for you today — trick a nice girl into marrying you by hiding your obsessive hobby until after you’ve tied the knot and she’s stuck with you.
13 Things Safer To Give Your Kids Than A Smartphone
The kids are really begging for smartphones this Christmas, but we all know there are potential risks. In lieu of purchasing your child a smartphone, perhaps consider any of these 13 safer alternatives:
Kwanzaa Finally Revealed To Be Elaborate Prank On White People
U.S. — In a corroboration of what many had long suspected, a new report finally confirmed that the holiday of Kwanzaa had been revealed to be an elaborate prank on white people.
Trump Announces Aid Package To Farmers To Help Them Deal With How Amazing Economy Is
WASHINGTON, D.C. — A $12 billion aid package for the agricultural industry is designed to help American farmers cope with how good the economy is, President Trump announced Monday.
Judge Finds Luigi Mangione Too Stunningly Handsome And Gorgeous To Stand Trial
NEW YORK, NY — In a shocking development in the case of a killer charged with murdering a health insurance executive, a New York judge found that Luigi Mangione was too stunningly handsome and gorgeous to stand trial.
Pope Urges Jesus And Satan To Put All Their Differences Aside In The Name Of Peace
VATICAN CITY — In the spirit of the Christmas season and as part of his ongoing quest to bring about widespread harmony throughout the world, Pope Leo XIV issued a proclamation urging Jesus and Satan to put all their differences aside in the name of peace.
Hollywood Announces Bold New Film Where An Evil Villain Is Just Evil And Not Misunderstood
HOLLYWOOD, CA — In what is expected to be the season’s hottest new movie, filmmakers have unleashed an innovative take on storytelling in which the villain was not portrayed as being misunderstood but instead was just evil.