CAMBRIDGE — A paper published by professors at the University of Cambridge affirmed a long-speculated theory about Heaven, that everyone gets their own G.I. Joe Aircraft Carrier toy.
Babylon Bee
Life Hack: To Save Money On Gas, Buy A Car With Two Steamroller Wheels Made Out Of Stone And Push It With Your Feet
UNITED STATES — Do you feel like you are playing life on hard mode now that gas is $5 a gallon on average across the nation? Experts are now recommending you to try this one simple life hack: go buy one of those cars with two steamroller wheels…
Archeologists Unearth Vuvuzelas Blown By Israelites Outside Walls Of Jericho
JERICHO — Archeologists announced Thursday that they have unearthed a cache of ancient vuvuzelas, believed to have been the "trumpets" used by the Israelites during the collapse of Jericho’s walls.
Archeologists Unearth Vuvuzelas Used To Collapse Walls Of Jericho
JERICHO — Archeologists announced Thursday that they have unearthed a cache of ancient vuvuzelas, believed to have been the "trumpets" used by the Israelites during the collapse of Jericho’s walls.
Dr. Fauci Reports Amazing Results In Gain-Of-Function Research At New Cruise Ship Laboratory
CANARY ISLANDS — Dr. Anthony Fauci announced today that he has achieved a remarkable breakthrough in gain-of-function research at his mobile laboratory aboard a cruise ship.
National Association Of Dogs Announce They Deserve A Little Treat
SILVER SPRING, MD — The National Association of Dogs issued a formal declaration Thursday confirming that they, as a collective, definitely deserve a little treat.
California Threatens To Send More Of Its Citizens To Other States If They Don’t Give In To Its Demands
SACRAMENTO, CA — Gavin Newsom, while hiding in a cave in the Sierra Nevada, has released a new video threatening to send more Californians to red states if his demands aren’t met.
Weird: Epstein Suicide Note Printed On Hillary Clinton’s Personal Stationery
U.S. — A federal judge ordered the release of Jeffrey Epstein’s purported suicide note, which oddly appears to have been written on Hillary Clinton’s personal stationery.
Here Is Everything You Need To Know About The Blake Lively-Justin Baldoni Case
The internet has been abuzz once again about the dueling claims and court cases between actress Blake Lively and actor Justin Baldoni. With so much contradictory information, it’s hard to know what’s real or where to begin. Here, collected at last in one space, is everything you need…
‘A Civilization Will Die Tonight,’ Says Donald Trump As He Enters All-You-Can-Eat Shrimp Buffet
CHURCH, VA — Employees at a local shrimp house were reportedly traumatized following a surprise visit by President Trump who, upon arriving, vowed that a civilization would die that night.