U.S. — Airline passengers of the world could finally breathe a sigh of relief, as all major airlines have introduced ejection seats for people who have loud conversations.
Babylon Bee
PSA: Do NOT Go Really Fast In A Boat With A Venezuelan Flag Right Now
ALERT: This is an important public service announcement for anyone planning to enjoy their boats out on the water for the foreseeable future.
Sad: Britain Tries To Play Baseball But Gets The Rules Wrong And Forgets Their Gloves And Puts Sticks Behind Home Plate For Some Reason
LONDON — As the fun and excitement of America’s Major League Baseball season draws to a dramatic close, the British had reportedly taken it upon themselves to join in and set up their own league. However, they have reportedly mucked it up, sadly getting the rules all wrong,…
With Israel Withdrawal, Hamas Finally Able To Conduct Public Executions In Peace
GAZA — Day-to-day life in the terrorist occupied area of Gaza settled back into its normal pre-war routine, as with Israel’s withdrawal to comply with the ceasefire agreement, Hamas was finally able to conduct public executions in peace.
Exclusive: 10 Horribly Embarrassing Leaked Texts From Inside The Babylon Bee
An anonymous source inside The Babylon Bee has published a string of highly embarrassing text messages, which have now begun circulating online. We wish we could go back in time, unsay these terrible things, and beat the people responsible with a sock full of nickels. But we can’t,…
Here’s How 12 Different News Outlets Covered Trump’s Gaza Peace Deal
President Trump’s historic ceasefire agreement made headlines all over the world, but depending on which news outlet you checked, you might get a completely different story.
Clarence Thomas Gently Explains To KBJ That Not All Black People Are Mentally Disabled, Just Her
WASHINGTON, D.C. — After Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson claimed in court today that all black people are mentally disabled, Justice Clarence Thomas gently informed her that it’s actually just her.
Chicago Police Cut Spending By Just Taping Off Locations That Aren’t Murder Scenes
CHICAGO — To reduce spending, the Chicago Police Department has reportedly introduced a new policy where they tape off locations that aren’t murder scenes.
Study Finds Jews Are Always Cool And Nice And Their Bagels Are Great Too [This Post Sponsored By Israel For $7,000]
U.S. — A new study has just conclusively proved that Jewish people are always cool, their bagels are great, and Israel is number one.
Christianity Saved By 435th Book Explaining What Is Wrong With Church Today
U.S. — With the release of the 435th book about what is wrong with the church today, theologians agree that Christianity has finally been saved.