WASHINGTON, D.C. — Liberals across the nation were horrified as Trump turned the Lincoln Memorial’s Reflecting Pool into the largest water amusement park east of the Mississippi.
Babylon Bee
Goodyear Blimp Barely Recognizable After Going On Ozempic
CARSON, CA — The famous Goodyear Blimp has become nearly unrecognizable after starting the popular weight-loss drug Ozempic.
‘There, It Couldn’t Be More Clear,’ Announces John After Finishing Revelation
PATMOS — The Apostle John emerged from his cave earlier this week feeling confident that he couldn’t have been more clear in his description of the revelation he’d received.
Three Republicans Thrown Into Fiery Furnace For Not Bowing Down To Trump Statue
MAR-A-LAGO, FL — Three Republicans refused to bow to the golden Trump statue at Mar-A-Lago, sources confirmed today. Those at the unveiling had been instructed to bow down and worship when Lee Greenwood’s "God Bless the U.S.A." played on the PA system.
New York Offers To House Hantavirus Patients In Nursing Homes
MANHATTAN — The State of New York has graciously offered to allow American hantavirus patients to stay in any of their local nursing homes.
BREAKING: Democrats Prepare Petard to Destroy Trump and Republicans; UPDATE: They Themselves Have Been Hoisted By Said Petard
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a most cunning stratagem, Democratic lawmakers didst this morn unveil a petard of monstrous proportions, which they had labored to construct these many months past, swearing upon their honor it would at last bring low the orange-haired knave Trump and his band of Republican…
To Get Even More Foul Calls, Thunder Sub In Wacky Flailing Inflatable Tube Man
OKLAHOMA CITY, OK — In an attempt to somehow garner even more foul calls, the Oklahoma City Thunder have replaced star player Shai Gilgeous-Alexander with a wacky flailing inflatable tube man.
Nancy Pelosi Says Stop Asking If Aliens Are Real Or She Will Order The Mothership To Fire Its Superlaser At Earth
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Representative Nancy Pelosi cautioned that if people persist in asking her whether aliens are real, she will order the mothership to blow up the earth with its superlaser.
Oil Tanker Slips Anonymously Through Strait Of Hormuz By Adding Fake Nose And Mustache
MIDDLE EAST — An oil tanker has managed to slip through the Strait of Hormuz completely undetected after donning a giant fake nose and mustache.
Taco Bell Releases Exciting New Way To Put Its Four Ingredients Together
U.S. — In what food scientists are calling "a breakthrough in modern cuisine," Taco Bell has unveiled an incredible new way to arrange of its four ingredients.