ANTARCTICA — Santa Claus’ Workshop may be in trouble after it was revealed that elves located at the South Pole have been making cheap knock-off toys for Christmas at half the price.
Babylon Bee
Groundbreaking New Study Finds Islamophobia May Be Partially Caused By Muslims Killing People All The Time
CAMBRIDGE — As the nations of the West continue to struggle with understanding how to deal with the spread of immigrants from Islamic countries, a groundbreaking new study found that islamophobia may be at least partially caused by Muslims killing people all the time.
James O’Keefe Goes Deep Undercover By Parting His Hair On Other Side
U.S. — According to sources, investigative journalist James O’Keefe once again went deep undercover in spite of his notoriety by parting his hair on the other side.
Pathetic Excuse For A Zoomer Tries Hard At Stuff, Cares About Things
WESTMINSTER, CO — According to sources, a so-called "Zoomer" is actually low-key trying hard at life and caring about things. Totally cringe. Whatever.
Miss Rachel Apologizes For Poorly Timed ‘J Is For Jihad’ Episode
NEW YORK CITY, NY — Popular kids’ entertainment mogul Miss Rachel apologized this week for releasing what many are calling a poorly timed video titled "J Is For Jihad."
Nation’s Worship Leaders To Honor Rob Reiner By Turning Guitars Up To 11
U.S. — In a heartfelt showing of remembrance for the renowned director of This Is Spinal Tap, the nation’s worship leaders collectively announced plans to honor Rob Reiner by turning their guitars up to 11.
After Being Charged With Multiple Felonies, Former Michigan Coach Sherrone Moore Forced To Move To NFL
LAS VEGAS, NV — What was thought of up until recently as a promising college football coaching career took a sad turn this week, as after being charged with multiple felonies, former University of Michigan coach Sherrone Moore was forced to move to the NFL.
Democrats Warn That Ban On Islamic Immigration May Delay Global Intifada
WASHINGTON, D.C. — An executive order banning immigration from several Muslim-majority countries compelled Democratic lawmakers to voice concerns that this may delay the global intifada.
Tragic: Mamdani’s Auntie Slightly Uncomfortable At Supermarket After Australian Terror Attack
NEW YORK, NY — The leader of America’s most prominent city experienced a family crisis today, as reports indicated that New York City Mayor-elect Zohran Mamdani’s aunt felt slightly uncomfortable at a supermarket in the wake of the Australian Islamic terror attack.
Kid Who Didn’t Practice For Christmas Choir Immediately Obvious
FLINT, MI — Parishioners of St. John’s Lutheran Church say it was immediately obvious which kid didn’t practice for the children’s Christmas choir this year.