ANN ARBOR, MI — In the wake of police arresting University of Michigan’s football coach Sherrone Moore, authorities have decided to go ahead and just arrest everyone else in Michigan, just to be safe.
Babylon Bee
9 Booby Traps That Were Cut From ‘Home Alone’
The holiday classic Home Alone featured some of the most iconic improvised booby traps in movie history, but did you know that the original script included many more of them?
Authorities Warn Libs Now Dangerously Mad
U.S. — Federal authorities announced on Wednesday that liberals are now dangerously mad, a significant update from when they were just regular mad only days ago.
Introvert Samaritan Crosses To Other Side Of Street To Avoid Small Talk With Man Left For Dead
JERICHO — The victim of a local violent assault and robbery saw his predicament go from bad to worse today, as an introverted Samaritan reportedly crossed over to the other side of the road to avoid having to make small talk with a man who had been beaten…
Santa Hat Added To Halloween Decoration
DAYTON, OH — A giant skeleton Halloween decoration received an updated look this week as its owners climbed a ladder and placed a Santa hat on its head, thus brilliantly transforming it into a Christmas decoration.
Trump Imposes 25% Tariffs On All Incoming Christmas Presents From The North Pole
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Families hoping for financial relief for the holiday season received troubling news today, as President Donald Trump announced he was imposing 25% tariffs on all incoming Christmas presents from the North Pole.
Brown University Hires Chief Wiggum To Track Down Shooter
PROVIDENCE, RI — Leadership at Brown University, frustrated with the lack of progress in tracking the shooter who killed two students and injured many more on December 13, has reportedly recruited Chief Clancy Wiggum of Springfield to assist in the case.
The Babylon Bee’s Predictions For 2026
The seers at The Babylon Bee, authors of hundreds of now-fulfilled prophecies, have come together to bring you our 100% accurate predictions for 2026.
South Pole Elves Making Cheap Knockoff Toys For Half The Price
ANTARCTICA — Santa Claus’ Workshop may be in trouble after it was revealed that elves located at the South Pole have been making cheap knock-off toys for Christmas at half the price.
Groundbreaking New Study Finds Islamophobia May Be Partially Caused By Muslims Killing People All The Time
CAMBRIDGE — As the nations of the West continue to struggle with understanding how to deal with the spread of immigrants from Islamic countries, a groundbreaking new study found that islamophobia may be at least partially caused by Muslims killing people all the time.