U.S. — According to overnight reports, a dumbfounded nation at last realized that Chelsea Handler has actually been trying to be funny this whole time.
Babylon Bee
Lakewood Church To Be Renamed ‘DraftKings Arena’ Following Branding Deal
HOUSTON, TX — Lakewood Church officially announced that it would be changing its name to DraftKings Arena as part of a lucrative new branding deal.
Disney Purchases Rights To ‘Robot Jox’ Franchise In Blockbuster $7 Billion Deal
BURBANK, CA — In a surprise movie, The Walt Disney Company announced that it had acquired the rights to the 1990 film Robot Jox in a massive $7 billion deal.
Man Just 17 Home Depot Trips Away From Purchasing Correct Light Bulbs
FORT BEND, IN — After picking up a new pack of bulbs for the kitchen light fixture, local man Kyle Stephens was just 17 more trips to Home Depot away from having the correct light bulbs.
‘The New York Times’ Updates Slogan To ‘All The News That’s Fit To Print Plus Any Rumor No Matter How Implausible’
NEW YORK, NY — The New York Times, one of the country’s most venerated newspapers, announced it was adapting to trying times by changing its longtime slogan to "All the news that’s fit to print plus any rumor, no matter how implausible."
Hockey Ticket Holders Issued Refund After No Fights Break Out
ANAHEIM, CA — Disappointed hockey fans were issued a full refund for their tickets after zero fights broke out during the game.
Report: CIA Raided By CIA
LANGLEY, VA — Rumors swirled throughout the international intelligence community this week after reports surfaced that agents from the Central Intelligence Agency had carried out a surprise raid of the Central Intelligence Agency.
Keir Starmer Admits He Has No Idea How To Pronounce His Own Name
LONDON — Prime Minister Keir Starmer, amidst calls for his immediate resignation, sheepishly admitted to having no idea how to pronounce his own name.
Gross: California Prison Inmates Caught Using IPads To Watch San Francisco Giants Games
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — Disturbing reports out of the San Francisco County Detention Center revealed that inmates were using their iPad access to watch the San Francisco Giants.
Mechanic Has No Idea How Dodge Caravan Still Running
TEMPE, AZ — After taking a look under the hood of the Barton family’s Dodge Caravan, local mechanic Terry Ricks admitted that he has absolutely no clue how the van was still functioning.